16 March 2017 @ 02:21 pm
Looking for an older fic, 2006-ish, about high school aged boys getting tattoos. I remember Sam getting his and Dean licking it? Also the first line was like "that was the summer dean smoked a lot of weed". I feel like I've searched this one before but could not find the previous post.
Thank you!
24 January 2017 @ 09:38 pm
I'm looking for an older story where Dean is high (post-curse or hospital maybe) and while Sam is driving, Dean is looking down at the road and sees squares fighting circles and checks and squiggles, I think. It also might have occurred in a motel room. It was hilarious and I need a good laugh these days. Thanks for a moment of your brain time.

Edited: That's it! Thank you so much.
14 November 2016 @ 07:30 pm

Please help me find some fics where Dean/Jensen gets drugged!!
And Sam/Jared comes to the rescue!! =)

Holding out for an hero! ;)
06 July 2016 @ 01:51 pm
I'm looking for a specific fic where Sam is an addict.

I remember that it takes place in pre-series and up until about season 2. Sam gets addicted to the strong pain pills they use for hunts. He keeps it very well hidden from everyone, and I remember he keeps a stash of pills he stole from the med kit, but I think he's high on a hunt at one point and Dean notices. There's another part where another hunter (possibly Bobby) shows up at where the Winchesters are staying, John and Dean aren't there, and Sam took an overdose (I think it was an accident). Bobby helps him vomit the pills up and tells Sam to stop, I think he leaves and doesn't tell anyone. I'm not sure if this part happened before or after Dean noticed. At some point, Sam recovers from his addiction for a while, maybe while he was at Stanford, but he relapses again. I remember a part, right after the crash and Dean is dying in hospital, and Sam steals pills from the hospital's medicine cabinet.

My memory of the fic is a little rusty but I've been looking for it for a while and I can't find it anywhere. Hopefully one of you knows which fic I'm talking about, I'm sorry about the vague description.

If you dont know which fic I mean then I'd be grateful for any addict!sam recs. I've already read the three kings 'verse but I'm not sure if I've read any more than that. Other recs I'd appreciate is anything with hurt!sam or sam suffering from mental health issues, and pre-series if my favourite era, so anything from there.

Thank you! :)
Anybody have any stories where Sam or Jared get hooked on drugs? And Dean or Jensen help them overcome their addiction? Or even Dean and Jensen get so pissed that Sam or Jared hit rock bottom without them and that's how they get clean?

And then... I've recently been opening up to one of my former NOTPs... Sabriel. I'm looking for good Sabriel fics that DO NOT also have destiel in them. Everytime I do a search for Sabriel, I just get search results for Destiel with a side pairing of Sabriel just because the author didn't know what to do with Sam. That's annoying.

So... to recap.
Sam or Jared on drugs.
Sabriel without Destiel.

Please and thank you!
18 June 2016 @ 11:46 am
I’m looking for a fic I can’t remember the name of.

It’s a j2 AU and they dated or knew each other when they were younger and then they meet up again. Jared works for some high profile PR firm I think? And they’re sort of getting back together but then Jensen finds him doing cocaine in the back room at a club. Please help!
Hi, I'm looking for a specific story that had been on ff.net. It's possibly been deleted... I think it was called Sam, Sammy, Samantha. It was maybe 7 or 8 chapters.. ??

Dean was travelling by himself and stopped for coffee at a diner. The waitress there drugged his coffee and followed him in a van. Out on the road, Dean ended up passing out and the waitress kidnapped him, leaving the impala along the side of the road. I remember a specific scene where Dean came to and found he was blindfolded and hanging naked from the ceiling. The waitress said something that made Dean lash out and kick her, so she drugged him again. While he was unconscious, she washed him with a soapy sponge, prepping him to be sold. Dean was oiled, injected *down there* and put on display.

This was not a true Brotherhood AU story, but Caleb was in it, who sensed Dean was in trouble. Dean ended up being sold, handcuffed and put in a black body bag. Caleb, John, Bobby and Mac came to the rescue just as the man was dragging the body bag away, containing an unconscious Dean.

I'd been thinking of this story and wanted to read it again, but now I can't find it. Thank you in advance!
Could you recommend J2 stories in which one J recovers from extreme abuse? the ratio of abuse to recovery time is not important, but it has to be pretty horrific and move towards a better end, even if the fic doesn't end on perfect notes (even death!fics are cool(.

Examples or harm include, torture, malnutrition, involuntary body modification, extreme power play that leads to identity and dissociation issues, and of course lots of physical harm. Sexual violence/slavery is cool, but I'd prefer if it was paired with more complex issues.

Bonus for length, world-building, J1 helping J2 recover from JDM (I love me to evil-JDM), and badass!victims that want to get better but need someone to show them how to move past their trauma and love themselves.

Also, the recovering abusee doesn't have to be one of the Js, but one of the Js must contribute to the recovery and (preferably) no J on J violence unless you think its awesome (like in the Desperate Measures verse).

Oh boy. I am a real buzzkill. I have no idea how to tag this except to select everything under the 'warning' tag :-/

Please and thank you
Hi there!Sorry if my description of all the vents in the fanfic is very long but I DO LOVE THIS FIC :(

A loooong time ago I read a long j2 AU fanfic here on lj where hooker!Jensen gets booked by a filthy rich man,mystery man Jared. He gets booked for a long period of time and there's a lot of very violent S/M involved.
Jared is from what I recall a sort of drug lord or something and has a big entourage (CW actors are in this story too)
During this time Jensen gets in touch with one of his older clients,an old lady,who tells him that if he ever feels like he's in danger,he can call this number she gives him and wherever he is he'll be found and saved by a sort swat squad.
Everything seems fine but!!! one time Jared hosts a party on his boat and he has sex with Jensen..but he's hurting so bad he can't take it anymore and wanting to leave he calls the "special"number.
Finally they rescue him and he comes home safe and sound leaving his old escort life behind..but after some weeks /months JARED FOUND HIM!Poor Jensen :'((

He's a very deranged man and the author express this exquisitely.
Oh and it turns out (don't remember if jared tells him this at the very end) that Jared knew Jensen since high school,but poor Padabear was a nerdy loser who wanted to impress Jensen with no avail.
In that moment Jay realised that he'd change his image and get a "revenge" on Jensen in the future.

That's pretty much it.
It's a fantastic story,compelling and it'll get you all paranoid!!trust me!It'd be a great thriller on screen,yeeppp.

I hope someone can help me finding this precious jem!
27 November 2015 @ 02:09 pm
For the life of me I cannot find this fic that someone had already requested before. It's a J2-AU. Jared is in a fraternity / college athlete that surrounds himself with the typical frat boy crowd. He's deeply in the closet, and has been infatuated with Jensen for a while, although they've never spoken.

After a night of partying, his teammates (including Tom Welling) give him LSD without his consent. He starts tripping his brains out, seeing lights and sparkles that somehow lead him to Jensen. In his altered state of mind, he thinks it's a dream and forces himself on Jensen.

The story goes on to deal with the aftermath of the brutal attack, which Jared doesn't initially remember. Jensen has to be hospitalized for a while, and doesn't remember who got to him -- he also develops PTSD with a fear of this happening again because of his feminine features.

I think it's pretty long, and ends with J2 as a couple. Please your help is seriously appreciated!

ETA: Found! In the comments
06 November 2015 @ 11:38 pm
I read this fic a while ago Alternate Life. In the fic Dean got a leg injury because he crashed his car into a tree and know he is a changed man. He is trying to get better but people misstrust him. Also he got a son that he want to met. I would like to fins some thing similar to this. I want the angst, the misstrust and the will to make a change, maybe even a disability caused by drugs, I prefer leg injury, amputee or paralysis. Also it's okey if it's a Au as long as the character isn't to OC or not believable. I also don't like slash that much but pre-slash is okey but prefer gen or het.

Thanks in advance!
Hi all I am looking for a longish story that may have been a bigbang, not sure, but it is pretty old. It starts with Jensen working in a bar/club as a waiter or barkeeper and meeting bad rich kid Jared. They get together and it's all going really well Spoiler )

Second story is a fic where Jensen keeps getting calls from his husband who he believes is dead. They have a child and lived on a ranch. more spoilers )

Any help would be appreciated.

Also any recs for older, long, plotty stories would be appreciated.

Many thanks
So I found a fic on someones delicious account that I would really really like to read;

My Heart Yearns
"Sam said he was going away to Stanford, but he actually never got into college. He just needed a reason to run away from his unnatural feelings for Dean. Two years later, Dean comes looking for him in Palo Alto, but they have no record of Sam Winchester as a student. Dean tracks Sam down to a sex house in San Francisco where the owner keeps the working boys high on a dangerous cocktail of drugs to make them more compliant to customers' strange demands. Dean has to pose as a client to get close to Sam. Sam seduces him." (comment fic)

it doesn't say anywhere what comment fic meme it was in :/


love you all xoxox
15 February 2015 @ 12:46 pm
fic recs for addict!jared and therapist/social worker/sponsor!jensen??
I'm still a bit shocked that magser deleted her/his journal, I was there only a month ago...

As it says on the tin, I'm looking for "Behind the mask" by magser (tall_tales was the name of the lj) - "Jensen Ackles is in the home stretch...he just has to get through four months at the worst Asylum he has ever seen and he is a fully qualified psychiatrist. What he finds there though is much worse than he ever imagined, and like an old movie playing out in front of his eyes, he finds neglected patients, lazy doctors and an injustice he is determined to put right..."

Since the journal has been purged, I cannot contact the author to ask whether it would be alright to share (maybe someone here knows something?), but I just optimistically assume it's fine and ask if someone saved the story and would be kind enough to send me a copy (and I'd totally bake you virtual christmas cookies!)! :D

Edit: FOUND fantastically fast by kruel_angel. Link in the post.
Hi, I'm looking for a specific story, it's wincest, and I'm pretty sure it's a one shot, and it ends with suicide. John, Sam and Dean hunt together, but Sam does drugs and is in love with Dean, there's a specific scene I remember, the three of them are in a diner and Sam suggests that they get jobs and John says something like "so you can buy drugs?" or something like that...
21 October 2014 @ 11:31 pm
I am in need of help in finding a fan fiction that has been on my mind for awhile now.

What I remember is that John catches Dean with drugs. It's set in a park that John told Sam and Dean not to go to. He reacts badly and knocks the stuff onto the ground. Dean cries out and tries to gather what is left. John is shocked at Dean's reaction. Dean had too much pressure on his shoulders while looking out for Sammy and that's why he was doing the drugs.

Any help would be awesome! Thank you :)
20 October 2014 @ 10:35 am
hi guys! okay, the fic i'm looking for involves dean getting kidnapped by a guy and his wife who are convinced that dean is their son. in reality, i think the son ran away or something (?) because his parents are pretty nuts. the husband convinces a dude at a bar who previously beat dean up to help him kidnap dean, and they keep him locked up in a bedroom and his wife drugs dean a lot to keep him under control. the couple is also responsible for killing several other guys who they've used to try and replace their son before.
i hope this is descriptive enough! thanks in advance!

update: found! thanks so much! :)
27 September 2014 @ 04:25 pm
I was wondering if there are any good stories where Dean/Jensen is a drug addict and Sam/Jared helps him on the road to recovery. I want to see the struggles of both the addict and the supporter of the addict on the road to recovery. The struggles they face whether they are a couple or just really good friends.
08 September 2014 @ 12:39 am

Primarily I'm looking for a specific story, but all kidnapped Dean/Jensen fic recs would be most welcome.

Here's what I remember about the story I am after:

Pretty sure this is a Gen fic, Dean and John are working a case and while doing door to door investigations, Dean is napped by a bad guy (only human). He keeps Dean drugged, he uses heroin or something similarly addictive, and chained up to a bed. I think there is non con involved, I'm not sure if it gets that far before John rescues Dean. I remember that the guy moved the Impala somewhere out of sight, maybe a garage across town.

Kinda vague, I know, but any help would be appreciated, and if you have a favourite kidnapped Dean/Jensen fic rec to share well that would be awesome too.

Thanks guys.
06 September 2014 @ 02:34 pm
Set in season 7 and Dean overdoses on his pain killers for his broken leg, he washed the pills down with whiskey.. I remember Sam sticking his fingers down Dean's throat and later putting him to bed saying "I hate you so much right now" or something like that.

Anyone? :)

I'm looking for a fic I read a long time ago.

Here is what I remember:
-J2; Jensen was a hooker, Jared was his pimp (though we don't find out til later on that he is actually a cop); starts out with dark!Jared though I think he turns good at the end
-It started with Jensen being taken to Jared's house (perhaps he didn't bring in enough money?)
- Jared makes a deal with some club so Jensen has to go work there
-Jared has a strict no drug policy; the new club they are at force Jensen and the other hookers to take something

I don't remember much else but hopefully someone can find this for me!

Also looking for any other abused!Jensen stories and/or hooker!Jensen? Any recs are appreciated!

Thank you!
26 June 2014 @ 12:16 am
So this is a fic that I've read several times that I wanted to read again, but it's been deleted. It was called You're the Light In My Stormy Seas by beckalooby, where Jared is in an abusive relationship and Jensen runs a call centre that helps gay abuse victims.
18 June 2014 @ 05:19 pm
I'm looking for some fics where Jensen or Dean takes an overdose.
I'm also looking for some long Jensen or Dean-centric stories with a lot of hurt/comfort
Pairing can be J2/Wincest or gen.
Thank you
30 May 2014 @ 03:28 pm
I'm looking for several J2 recs

1. Jensen is being abused and Jared helps him.

2. Jensen has an eating disorder

3. Jensen commits suicide or is doing self-harm

4. Shy!Jensen fics

5. Jensen is addicted to drugs or forced to take drugs

6. High school fics

I would prefer bottom!Jensen fics but bottom!Jared fics are fine too
Hi friends,
this is the third time I am searching for this particular fic. Hope I get lucky this time:) PLEASE..PLEASE..HELP ME??
It's a Dean/Sam slash that I read in Sam Dean slash archive.
This is what I remember about it.

(i)Dean gets a call from Bobby that Sam is doing badly in Stanford. Bobby probably brought Sam to his own home where he tried to kill himself a number of times.

(ii) It's from Bobby and (maybe) Sam that Dean learns about Sam's tragic past. Not only was Sam sexually abused by his professor in University, he was regularly abused by John as a child whenever Dean turned his back.Sam suffered greatly at the hands of John who was a very mean man.

(iii)Dean brings Sam with him to his motel room with an aim of curing him. But Sam by then had become an intensely suicidal, chronically depressed man who cut himself daily with blades or razors. He also had an eating disorder .

(iv) One day Dean catches him while cutting himself. He locks everything in impala's trunk.But somehow Sam gets hold of a knife and tries to cut himself again.Dean stops him and tells Sam to cut him instead as it would hurt less.

(v) Sam also tried to shoot himself with a gun. But Dean catches him on time. They have sex. There's a happy ending...

I hope there's someone who knows the story.

Thanx a million
22 May 2014 @ 01:05 pm
Hi, I'm into abused!dean and abusive!sam, and for detail, I'm looking for things like:

1. Sam abuses Dean. No demon!sam, power!sam, robo!sam, boyking!sam, possessed!sam, lucifer!sam, vessel!sam, shifter!sam, not-sam, ect. Just Sam, pre-series would be fantastic but any timeline is cool. There can be someone find out and help him (maybe John or Bobby) or not.

2. Sam or John calling Dean's work (his drawing, his handmade machine...) trash and throw them away.
For example: "How I Know Your Brother", "Secrets Kept, Secrets Found", "Trash"

3. Both Sam and John abuse Dean. I would prefer non-sexual abuse but sexual abuse is okay too.
for example: "Sweet Sixteen", "Toy Verse"

Hope that lucky will come to me xD Thank you!
Sam/Dean, John/Dean, Dean/OMC are welcome but I can only take bottom!dean.
Hi! I'm looking for a specific fic where Dean was cursed during a hunt and became obsessed with protecting Sam so much that it got to the point where he started tying him down and drugging him to stop him from going anywhere. It might be eventual wincest but I can't remember too well.

Here's a few points of the fic I remember:

1) At some point at the beginning of the fic the boys end up moving into a small cottage or house somewhere so Dean can 'protect Sam better' as he doesn't want Sam hunting anymore.
2) Dean's need to protect Sam escalates throughout the fic until it gets unmanageable. Sam frequently is reluctant but always gives in because he doesn't want to worry or hurt Dean.
3) When Sam is drugged Dean takes him out and people think he has an illness that stops his mental development causing him to have a child-like personality. (I'm not really sure how to explain it.) Dean makes friends with a woman who thinks this and she sometimes looks after Sam so Dean can have some time to himself.
4) Bobby gets involved as Dean becomes distant with him due to the curse and he's worried about Sam's safety with Dean in his current state. He finds them near to the end of the story and stops Dean from going even more overboard. At some point he knocks Dean out.

Thanks in advance guys!
12 May 2014 @ 09:47 am
Hi everyone,

General search request: I was looking for any fic that has to do with a Winchester running into a gang. They live in such seedy places i figure it would have to happen sometime. It could just be a small part in a story where they see a gang near them, they could join a gang or be targeted by one-anything and everything please!!
Id prefer dean centered and pre-series without slash but will take anything you have as long as its good.

My ideal vision for this story is something along the lines of a teen dean gets noticed by some gang leader and dean, being ignored by his family joins because he likes hanging out with someone then they start to get over their heads and sam or john finds out. Just a thought.

Anyway any help is appreciated and thanks in advance.
09 May 2014 @ 08:24 pm
Hello, I'm looking for a story in which Jared, Jensen, and Daneel are friends from childhood, and each other's only family, and end up moving in together at the end, or at least telling Daneel that she'll always have a room in their house.
I think Jared was a drug addict, Jensen was a wealthy constructor (?) and Daneel was a model or an actress.  As you can tell the details I remember are very sketchy.  Found in comments.

My second request is for your favorite stories where one of the boys suffers form an alcohol or drug addiction.
Thanks in advance!
02 April 2014 @ 01:14 am
There's a fic I've been searching for for ages, but can't remember enough of it to make google be any use. It's either J2 or wincest. Sam/Jared is addicted to some Class A drug, and he keeps running. Dean/Sam finds him. The only thing I remember really clearly is at one stage when Jared/Sam is in an apartment his neighbour is a preacher and his daughter, and the daughter writes a letter to Jared/Sam. Not much to go on sorry! I just remember I really liked it.
I'm on the hunt for drugged!fics and manhandling fics. They usually go hand-in-hand. Any rating, any pairing, any type of romance (gen/slash).

I'm looking for fics that have more than just two sentences worth of grogginess. Not the kidnapped via needle and 'felt groggy for two seconds and shook it off' type stuff, but the fics where the character is trying to figure things out for a while. Preferably with some manhandling by whoever drugged them. (Manhandling is a kink? Who knew?) Drugged for surgery or after surgery is fine too, but I'm looking less for humor, more in need of rescue.

Here are some fics like the ones I'm looking for:

Melted by Your Touch
Me and My Shadow
The Family You Choose
Monster Stuff
Will You Still Need Me When I'm Six-Feet-Four

And sure, I'll rec my own:

Because Sam Needs Dean

These are all drugged!Sam, but I'm sure other people would love drugged!Dean too if you have any recs for either Winchester. Or Cas.

I love one-shots or long stories, but please, if you rec a long story, link to or mention the drugged chapter. Sometimes 100,000 words is overwhelming when searching for just one type of situation. Thanks all!
15 February 2014 @ 12:43 am
Hello! I have a few requests, none specific, mainly with a Sam focus. If another character isn't mentioned, presume I mean the request is a fic like that involving Sam! Any pairing or rating is fine. I think I have done this request right, please let me know if I need to amend anything.

1. Language fics. Where at least Sam, if not Dean and others, speak two or more languages, and the use of extra languages is some sort of plot point. Can be real or made up languages.

Examples would be Sam picking up Enochian from Lucifer, or Sam and Dean with their own private language, or well, anything.

2. Powers!Sam. - I know there are hundreds of fics out there with this theme, but I would like to be recommended the best of them, hidden ones that you feel don't get enough readers. Any type of power is great.

3. Crossovers. With Naruto, Sherlock, Harry Potter, Star Trek(Any Star Trek series), True Blood, Game of Thrones(Even good, well written others which aren't listed here). In fact, I was re-watching some of TNG recently, with how the Q flick in and out and can seemingly bring anything they want into existence, I've always had it in my head that they are some renegade faction of angels, possibly following in Gabriels footsteps(And thusly failing, just pretty much staying how angels tend to be). Please don't tell me that I'm not the only one who had this thought, and please let there be some fic exploring it! Any characters in this

4. Missouri fic? I miss her. She was great.

5. Abused!Sam. Any at all, I have checked through the tags, but I am interested in more, please! (Would love if it were combined with any of my previous requests, particularly the language)

6. Drugs! Drug use. Sam preferred, but also by anyone else.
05 February 2014 @ 06:02 pm
So I'm looking for stories where one or both of the boys (I love Sam or Jared, but Dean or Jensen is fine too) are so tired/hurt/sick/drugged that they don't really know what's going on around them. I've read lots of stories like this...

Monster Stuff and
Puffalumps and Weasels and others by KKBELVIS...
Sleep Standing Up by Mystic25...
In the Shadow of the Moon by albydarned...
Fevered by DragonChild85...

Hopefully the stories will have a POV of the brother who's not quite sure what's going on. Half-asleep, fevered, concussed, drugged... The dreamlike, Alice in Wonderland type stuff authors sometimes come up with is entertaining. Self-recs, RLF, and wincest welcome. I'm not picky, but I prefer Sam and Dean or Jared and Jensen (not Cas or Misha). Thanks!
02 February 2014 @ 08:06 pm
I read this fic a long time ago, but no matter what I do, I can never track it down - probably because I don't really remember much about it, lol.

Cut for Spoilers and mentions of non-con.

It goes like this... )

Any help would be much appreciated.
02 February 2014 @ 12:38 pm
Ok, so I'm looking for two kinds of fics:

1. A drug fic where someone, preferably Dean, smokes weed. I've seen a lot of drug fics that are super angsty and dark but I really want one where they just get goofy and dumb. Can be Dean, Sam, Cas, or really any side character (Bobby or Garth would be hilarious), Destiel would be awesome, and no Wincest, RPF, or WIPs.

2. I've seen a lot of Dean coming out fics that involve specifically John but I was really hoping to find one that focused on Dean's interactions with other characters either after he's come out or while he's having his big gay freakout. I'm thinking characters like Benny, Becky, Jodie, Kevin, Garth, Charlie, Rufus, Pastor Jim, Joe, Ellen, Ash, or Adam (uh... pretty much any side character). The reactions can be positive or negative. Destiel would be cool or Dean/OMC, no Wincest, RPF, or WIPs.
Current Mood: groggy
22 January 2014 @ 12:21 am
Hi everyone,

I'm having a craving for two types of fics:
1: where Dean or Jensen is a typical bad boy: drinking, smoking, tattoos, maybe getting arrested, or when people just think they are trouble. I am looking for fics like the one where Jensen and Jared meet when Jared is on a holiday with his family and they meet because Jensen sleeps outside on the porch (I lost the link to this fic, if anyone could help me find it that would be appreciated).

2: fics where Jensen does something incredibly heroic. Fics where he is just this regular guy who is put in a position where he has to act and simply does. I remember this fic where Jensen could turn into a dragon (named Alamo?) and he played a large role in saving the world (again, I lost the link so if you recognize this one as well..). I really loved that one, but anything where Jensen is part of a large fight for the right would be great!

I prefer gen fics, but really anything out there is fine! :)
15 November 2013 @ 01:21 am
hello i'm looking for 2 fics 1st: dean wants a rape fantasy with sam i remember they try a few times one were sam hits dean and the cops come! it was a very funny fic  2nd: jared is easy he sleeps with a lot of guys and then wants a real relationship and starts dating jensen but won't sleep with him jensen drugs him and sleeps with him i hope someone remembers these fics thanks                                                                                                                                             
12 November 2013 @ 08:08 pm
Hi, are there any fics out there with Sam not being able to handle the pressure that John puts on him due to his unenthusiasm toward hunting?? and rebelling just to spite John in any way possible??

I'd also really love it if Sam got in too deep and Dean had to sort of pull him out of whatever that he had done to rebel, like smoking, drugs or you know.... whatever.

thanks so much!! :)
Hi guys, I can't find this fic, probably because I only remember such a small part of it. Hopefully this tiny bit of information will trigger something in someone's mind! I'm pretty sure it's J2, but it's possibly Wincest. Jared/Sam is a drug addict. The bit I remember is Jared/Sam is at one stage living next to a minister and his daughter who try to help him, and the daughter writes Jared/Sam a letter. Jensen/Dean finds him when he is living next to the minister and his daughter and is shocked by his state. I think the boys are sometimes together sometimes apart, so maybe Jared/Sam keeps running or maybe Jensen can't handle Jared taking drugs and can't be around him. I read this so long ago that I mixed up a couple of fics and found the other one but it wasn't this one so can't remember how the rest of it goes. I hope someone recognises it! Cheers gang.

Hi everyone,
I love this fandom, and every last one of it fans! I need help finding a fic. that I read a long time ago, and can't seem to find.

Jensen has been abused in one way or another during his time on every TV show he's been on (emotionally, physically, sexually). He has severe PTSD, and uses drugs, and other self-harming tactics to cope, and to deal with his past abuse.

When he joins the SPN cast and meets Jared feelings develop between the J's, but Jensen is severely damaged but wants to be a stronger, and better person for Jared and eventually tells Jared about all the abuse. I remember Jared feeling overwhelmed, and torn between being happy that Jensen finally starts to tell him his painful past, and physically ill from Jensen's sometimes awkward, and sudden outburst of all the ugly things he went through.

I also remember that Jensen actually believed he wasn't worthy of love, friendship, or even being in Jared's company, and that he was very vulnerable and the story made me cry.

Oh, and Jared has a fight outside of a movie rental place with an old abuser of Jensen's, because the CW star starts calling Jensen a whore, and slut. I think the old abuser actually was with another CW star that he was currently dating, and Jared felt sorry for the new boyfriend and eventually helped that actor out of his abusive relationship with the unknown abuser. If I remember correctly Jensen and the other abused CW star both end up living with Jared. Also, Jared gets physically, and emotional ill himself from neglecting his own needs and putting Jensen's first all the time.

I hope someone remembers this story because I can't find it:-D

Current Music: Come Away With Me by Nora Jones
Current Mood: Excellent
Current Location: Bed
30 June 2013 @ 11:39 pm
I'm looking for a specific story. Sam was ruling Hell and Dean was going along with it, but they weren't evil and it was more like a crack story. Sam had feelings for Dean and eventually gave Dean a lust/love potion (possibly keyed to him?) to try to finally get together with him. It was short but may have been 1-3 chapters.
I know this is a long shot, but I'm looking for a story where Dean/Jensen is drugged and he taken advantage of sexually about another guy. Here's the hard part... Read more... May be explicit... )
I also want to find a story where Dean is in a relationship with a girl and ends up cheating on her with another guy. Also Top Dean/Jensen as well.
And also I want a fic where Dean gets in an accident of some sorts that causes him to not be able to use his legs. There can be smut or just plain fluffiness doesn't matter to me. But if there is sex I'd like for Dean/Jensen to be the top.

Can you tell that I'm a topDean/Jensen kind of person? lol

Thanks in advance!
19 June 2013 @ 03:24 am
John finds out Dean is addicted to drugs. He helps Dean through withdrawals as he gets clean. Dean takes drugs because he is attracted to John. John and Dean start a sexual relationship. Later on Dean gets attacked up by a dealer he ripped off when he was using and goes to stay with Sam to recover. John shows up and has Dean's son who I think is called Avery with him. That's about all I remember.

Thanks for any help in finding this!
01 June 2013 @ 05:22 pm
I'm new to LiveJournal (I made this account just for this post) and I really enjoy me some Dean angst. I'm only looking for gen fics though so please no slash or het pairings and no Wincest please. Any length, though I have been reading a lot of One shots and drabbles lately.

1. I love fics where Sam realizes what Dean has had to give up to give him a relatively normal childhood (by their standards). I read one recently where Sam has dreams of when they were children and sees that Dean gave him all the food and hid him from the CPC, there was also another one where Sam realizes that Dean eats so much because he had to go hungry a lot when they were kids.

2. I also have a soft spot for fics were Dean has abandonment issues and Bobby comforts him. Also where Sam sees what him leaving for Stanford did to Dean.

3. Any Smart!Dean fics I haven't read would also be great. I like the ones where he gets accepted to university but doesn't go cause he has to keep the peace between John and Sam.

4. Sick!Dean or Drugged!Dean would be awesome, especially if he becomes really honest or fevered and has hallucinations.

5. Any Bunker!Fics with Dean nesting or cooking.

Any gen Dean angst is fine really. I am also looking for some Delicious accounts to go through so if there are any with a lot of Gen fics I would be really grateful for a link. Thanks!
26 May 2013 @ 12:24 pm
I don't really know how to start this, so I'm just going to jump in. Fair warning, this list is long. Also, I'd just like non-Wincest fics.

1. crying!Dean fics. I don't care why he's crying, I just want him crying and Sam or John comforting him.
2. Dean or John is deaged and Same has to take care of them.
3. blind, deaf, hurt, or sick!Dean with Sam taking care of him. I don't care if how hard the injury is or how sick Dean is, if he's been blind or deaf since birth, if it's permanent or just part of a curse.
4. protective or smart!Sam. Just something where Dean or John realize that Sammy isn't little anymore.
5. girl!Sam. Because I'd bet she'd be awesome, I'd prefer Dean is still a boy, unless
6. doctor!Sam. At least have taken some classes, and how'd that would affect their hunts.
7. Crossovers with Criminal Minds (with a focus on Sam and Reid) or SuperWhoLock crossovers. Any kind. Though a focus on Sam, the Elventh Doctor, and Sherlock would be loved.
8. Sam as teenaged father please, or Sam with a daughter.
9. Sam realizing he's gay or bi, and John and Dean's reactions
10. Sam going back just mentally and impressing everyone with his knowledge, or physically and everyone wondering what the hell happened to make him like this.
11. abused!Dean. Any kind, but I'd like the main on it to focus on his recovery.
12. teen!Sam getting addicted to any kind of drugs or starts cutting.
13. teen!Dean getting an eating disorder or being raped and a focus on his recovery.
14. Basically any Castiel/Sam fics that don't meet any of these requirements. No porn unless it's part of a much larger story.


I'm sure this podfic is at least a year old and more than an hour long. It's set in the future, but I'm not sure if it's a 2014!Cas or AU. This story is almost completely Cas'. I believe Sam said yes to Lucifer and Dean went off to find/kill him. When Dean leaves Cas, he's lost without him. He wanders and comforts himself with alcohol and drugs. In his journey, he's staying in an apartment. There's an religious woman who believes this is a test God has given to Cas.

I thought the title was something like Thursday's Angel or Angel of Thursday, but I haven't been able to find it under that title, reader, or author.

If anyone can find the podfic or the text version of this, I'd be so grateful and promise to bookmark and back it up for the next time my mp3 player dies on me.

Current Mood: hopeful
18 May 2013 @ 10:31 pm
hey so im looking for angsty fics. and I mean ripping your heart out of your chest and stamping on it would be less painful kind if fic. ones I would really like: high school fics where character a has really low self esteem (self harms and is suicidal is a plus) and they are in love with the popular guy. emphasis on how alone they feel and perhaps how their home life isnt great is a must.

Basically pining fics where a character has no friends and they have kind of given up. aus are ppreferred if possible. eating disorder fics I would absolutely love too if you've got them.

any fics where being depressed or having a major drug addiction (perhaps they are homeless because of it) would also be greatly appreciated.

the longer the fics the better, I would prefer destiel but j2 and wincest are also fine. I would like the fics the be as well written as possible too. thanks in advance!
09 April 2013 @ 08:56 pm
Hi, any AUs where Cas is on drugs/is a dealer? or anything similar. Highschool/College/Uni settings are preferred but anything is fine.
No OMCs/OMFs please, any relationship other than Wincest, but Dean/Cas (Destiel) or Gen are favoured :)