Hi :)
I am looking for a fanfiction which was posted on archieveofourown.org, as far as I remember. It is about Sam who runs away from Dean and into a forest where he tries to kill himself with a knife.
Cas and Dean look for him but can't find him until it's too late.
When Cas finally finds Sam on a clearing he is already dead but he gets brought back to life by Lucifer...
That's all I can remember.
I hope anyone can help me :)
04 June 2017 @ 11:45 pm
I read this AU Destiel fic a long time ago where Dean is depressed and sometimes it gets very bad. Sam is with Jess and they try to help him. Then he meets Cas and they get together. But Dean has an episode of extreme depression and ends up killing himself, thinking Cas would be better off not having to deal with him. I think he jumps out window in front of Cas? Cas then later also kills himself.

Yeah, very tragic ending. But if anyone can help me find it that would be great!
25 May 2017 @ 07:14 pm
This is my first time doing this, but here goes:
I don't remember the name of story or the author, but it's an AU that started with Dean trying to jump off a bridge. He's saved by Cas and taken to the hospital, where Cas is assigned as his official suicide watcher (I think Dean lives in an old library or something but I'm not sure). At first their relationship is super rocky because Dean does not want Cas there at all, and when they actually fall in love Dean pushes Cas away. Cas dates Balthazar for a while. Eventually Cas goes to visit his family and Dean sees this news report about his plane crashing so Dean ends up committing suicide by jumping off the bridge.
03 May 2017 @ 12:38 pm
I read a story a while ago and can´t find it anymore.

Jensen had turned or mated Jared against his will. Jared was pregnant and hated it. I think he commited suiced in the end but I´m not sure.

Can someone help me please.
01 April 2017 @ 10:25 am

I'm looking a fic where Dean wakes up and phones Bobby to find out where Sam is, Bobby says to look in his wallet - it's Sam suicide note.

I think Sam went back in time and killed himself
27 February 2017 @ 09:09 pm
Hey guys, it's been a while. I'm back with two specific requests, one that I searched for before but never found.

1) crossdressing - Sam and Dean make a bet about something, Sam loses and has to wear a pair of panties, Dean laughs at him and teases him, Sam says something about Dean thinking he's disgusting and gets really upset because he likes wearing the panties. (wincest)

2) suicidal!sam - After Sam finds out he's Lucifer's vessel, he tries to kill himself. Lucifer brings him back but Sam eventually starts committing suicide just to get some rest. This works for a while but eventually the damages start carrying over after he's brought back. (ex. he shoots himself in the head, he's resurrected with a hole in his head; cutting his wrists leaves scars, etc.) (gen, i think)

Thanks for any help!
31 January 2017 @ 09:50 pm
Hey y'all,
It's a bit alarming, but I went to visit sinful-desire.org for their archive of fics, specifically "Riot Gear" and the entire site has been suspended.
Anyone have a copy of Riot Gear? Or any others off the site? Riot Gear is possibly one of my favourite stories to read.

Hello! I'm looking for a specific fanfiction that I just can't find anywhere! I think it's based around 9x13 The Purge, after Dean and Sam have their fight, but I can't say for sure. Sam leaves the bunker, and Dean is left heartbroken. Sam goes back to college, gets married, haves a kid I think, and he calls Dean once a month or so. That was until Dean smashed his phone. Cas isn't in this story, and in the end Dean does something terrible, and Sam doesn't find out until 4 months later or something? It could possibly be a one!shot, but I'm not sure. The whole story describes Dean's depression and is very well written. Thanks in advance!

(Found by the lovely person in the comments who knew the title of this amazing story.)
08 December 2016 @ 10:13 am
Hey y'all!
Huge throwback search to a specific scene from the season finale of season 4. Where "Dean" (Zachariah) left a hateful voice mail to Sam about how he's a monster.

I'd like any fics that deal with that voice mail. Especially if Sam is depressed/hurt from the voice mail, suicidal even. I don't know why but I like to feel their heartache. I'm weird.
Wincest preferred.

I just finished reading Couples' Counseling by Lazy_daze and was craving some unresolved tension/misunderstanding.

Please and Thank you in advance guys!
02 December 2016 @ 08:31 pm

I'm looking for a specific story in which Dean was (or is) suicidal. He lives with Sam and Jess and he has two dogs. It is a destiel fic and I think it is on AO3
27 November 2016 @ 02:41 am
I doubt anyone will know what story i'm talking about, because i barely remember but, i'll give it a shot anyway. Here's what i can recall

1) jared and jensen fought about something causing jared to go to a motel in another place i think?
2) jared had written a suicide note.
3) jensen found it and was shocked.
4) i think there was a scene that jensen got in bed with jared and was saying he wouldn't know what he would do without him but i don't know.

this is all i can remember:(( i know i read it on ao3 and i don't think it was too incredibly long. I also think i saw it in one of phoenix1966 recs, but again, i'm not sure. I know this is a long shot so thanks anyway <3

Okay, so I've been looking for this fic for approximately ever and I have never been able to refind it. It's set pre-series, immediately after Sam leaves for Stanford, and it follows John and Dean for the days or weeks after Sam left. It's in John's POV.

Dean is kind of mid-breakdown about the whole thing, but John is kind of refusing to acknowledge it. He's kind of in denial and thinks Dean is doing pretty okay, or doesn't want to have to deal with how not-okay Dean is. Then they hunt something that they both KNOW has been throwing people off cliffs and he sees Dean follow it up onto the clifftop anyway and nearly get himself killed, and then he's like "holy shit I think he just tried to commit suicide by hunting." Dean, of course, doesn't cop to it.

I don't think the story is explicity Wincest, but iirc there are definitely implications. I think at one point John mentally compares how Dean is handling Sam leaving to how he behaved after Mary died.

Sound familiar to anyone? I've honestly been trying to find it for over a year, so any help is much appreciated.

17 October 2016 @ 08:09 pm
Hey y'all!

I'm looking for a specific fic, where Sam and Dean went their separate ways after Lucifer is released. Sam finds out he's pregnant, but can't tell Dean. Sam ends up attempting suicide in his motel bathroom, where his boss (from the local bar) finds him.
19 September 2016 @ 01:59 pm
Just a general, non-specific search for stories that feature mentally ill and/or suicidal Jared or Sam. The more dark and messed up the better, I really want him to hurt (I know, I'm a terrible person). It can be AU, non-AU, gen or slash (but if it's slash please only Wincest or Jared/Jensen). I've seen a lot of mentally ill Sam fics out there but not many ones focusing on Jared. The longer the word count the better. Thanks!
01 September 2016 @ 08:50 pm
Okay so you know how in all the evil!sam/dean/whoever whatever the captured one eventually succumbs to stockholm syndrome are there any fics where the pet decides that they'd rather be dead then you know a pet.

Like if Sam is the boyking of hell and has Dean as his prize, Dean commits suicide instead or something instead being trapped with him forever. Vice Versa.

Just wondering because we all know the phrase fate worst then death if it's worse then death then why haven't they offed themselves yet. Speaking of death any Dean/Death fics would be welcome to.

But yeah fics where the evil!whoever has whoever for a pet/slave/f__kbuddy and they decided they'd rather be dead then a slave.

Any paring but I'm partial to Wincest and Destiel. And I kinda want Dean to be the one who kills himself in a last screw you, they can't have him kinda way but not impartial to it being Sam or whoever.

One last request any fics where when Dean comes back from hell Ruby is jealous even if she won't admit it.
Hi! I'm looking for 2 separate specific fics, both involving Sam & Dean, probably Gen although maybe Sam/Dean.

1) A casefic set in Season 1-3, I believe, when Sam's psychic powers were still active but before Cas/Ruby become involved. Sam has some sort of vision or premonition about a woman who's in danger (in a vision, he sees her involuntarily commit suicide due to some supernatural influence) in a town somewhere in the Midwest or East Coast (I think). I don't remember why, but Sam hesitates to tell Dean this. Instead, he convinces Dean to come with him to this town on a thin lead regarding a water monster in a lake or river nearby. Dean doesn't believe him from the jump and knows Sam's hiding something, but trusts Sam enough to play along, although he's not happy about it. Sam finds the woman (who I think is a divorce attorney or something), through the help of a local diner waitress, and visits her on his own while he sends Dean off to do more research on the fictional water monster. Turns out, the water monster is real and the boys eventually take it out. Sam then sneaks off on his own again to help the woman; he stays at her place overnight and somehow prevents the supernatural influence from causing the woman to commit suicide. Dean keeps calling Sam's phone as he doesn't know where Sam is, but Sam again being sneaky doesn't call back until he saves the woman. At the end of the fic, in a token of gratitude, the woman invites Sam and Dean to have dinner at her house. This fic is probably moderate length (at least a few thousand words) and had, I think, 3-4 sections/chapters, and I think I read it on LJ or Dreamwidth.

2) Fic set in a post-apocalyptic world where human civilization is rebuilding itself, and the Winchester boys have become myth/legend for saving the world. Dean and Sam have become separated and Dean lost his memories somehow. It's written from Dean's POV but his name isn't mentioned because he doesn't remember who he is, and we only know based on description of his physical appearance and other hints. He seems like a storyteller/seer-type figure to the people around him. At the end, Sam comes and finds him, and I think I remember that Sam touches Dean's face, which is when Dean remembers who they both are. This fic is shorter (maybe 1-2 sections/chapters on LJ or Dreamwidth).

I've gone through all my bookmarks, sifted through my history for the last several months trying to find these stories but somehow I can't find them. Any help would be appreciated; these fics were beautifully written and I'd love to read them again. Thanks so much!!
05 March 2016 @ 09:31 pm
Hello everyone! I am looking for a AU J2 fic where Jensen had some sort of problem with depression. I believed he was on a very strict diet where he couldn't drink any alcohol or coffee because he had overdosed on pills at one point. I know at the end of the fic he starts to take pills again and Jared frantically goes to his house but Jensen didn't do it. That's all I remember.
02 March 2016 @ 02:15 pm
hii! so, i read a destiel-centric fic years ago (on either ff.net or ao3, i am not sure, its been so long.) and i honestly don't remember much, if i knew the title i probably wouldn't need to submit a request on here so yeah.... but i will try my best to make this search for you all as painless as possible and give as much detail of the fic that i remember so you can have better chances of finding it! This summary is super long, i am so sorry!
____________________ fic summary starts now:

It may or may not have had some Sabriel but i'm not positive on that. i just remember that Gabriel was there. i also remember it had a lot of chapters soooo yeah. this was not a short story, not by a long shot. and i don't know whether or not it is a completed work or not. though by now i am sure it is completed.

So what i remember it being an AU fic where Dean and Sam retire from hunting (possibly temporarily, i think Dean and Cas might have still been hunting together and the others were just doing research in the beginning?) and stay with Bobby and Kevin at the bunker (or maybe not?? i dunno, i just remember it being Bobby Kevin Sam Cas and Dean in some sort of homey place). Dean has started to come to terms with the fact that he has feelings for Cas. some things happened after that, but i dont remember what it was and then there angels appear. Fate specifically, and she comes to Dean and says that he is going to be the mother of a new race of humans, one that will be able to bear children despite their sex ////or something like that. Fate tells him that he'll be the one carry and birth the children, but he can't keep them all. Sam offers to take deans place because he feels that Dean has suffered enough in his life and deserves to be cared for but Fate says no because it has to be Dean who brings the new race of human into the world and fate personally thought that Sam wasn't strong enough for the burden/ or wasn't worthy. i think the latter, but i dunno.

Anyway, so the first few births at are quick and painless, but eventually progress and become painful and long. Dean gets to keep at least 3 or 4(?) of the children and has to go and give the others to childless people who really really want kids. he gets attached to one of the kids, because when Dean had given birth, it wasn't the right time for the couple that were destined to get the kid, so Dean had to keep it until fate said they were ready. he left a note when he eventually did drop off the baby at the couple's doorstep. at one point there is a particularly difficult birth that Dean goes through that requires the help of various angel because the angel of fertility/childbirth was unavailable or unwilling to help Dean and Gabriel was there to help as well. On one of the last kids Dean was having, he went alone off to do something or other and stumbled upon a mother with her young son who were being harassed by a mugger or someone with a gun/knife and came to their rescue, killing the guy hat tried to hurt the woman. i think he went with them to the hospital because he goes into labor due to the whole excitement of the situation. i don't remember what happens next but the woman and Dean become friends and they become a part of deans big family.

On the last pregnancy, Dean gives birth but instead of giving it to a stranger, Fate tells Dean to give the baby boy to Sam because he is stronger than she originally thought and throughout this whole journey Sam was envious and had internal turmoil because of the fact he couldn't have a kid or didn't have a kid.

Then i think a while or so later, one of the children Dean had been able to keep was supposed to become deaf at age five, and so he made a deal with Fate so that he'd take the kid's place and be deaf instead??? two years or so in, he has become completely miserable because of not being able to hear and being a part of everyone's life and at some point everyone doesn't even bother to sign for him when they are all talking fast and whatnot with him present. he gets severely depressed, i think maybe unintentionally isolates himself from everyone and eventually commits suicide. his eldest daughter finds him dead in his and Cas' room. they give him a hunter's funeral but a few years or months after he is resurrected and turned into an angel because of all the stuff he's done for heaven and didn't really complain much about his burdens, and that the angels were very grateful so he was granted a second chance at life but as an angel. (i think this paragraph may or may not be from another fic that has similar plot. there was another future!kid!fic where dean gets pregnant as well. but i dunno anymore. im prettyyyyy sure its part of this fic, so yeah..).
ANNND thats all i remember of that amazing fic.
I hope this helps in your search, thank you!
01 March 2016 @ 12:03 am
I'm looking for a specific story that meets the following criteria (under the cut):

Read more... )

Thanks in advance for your help! I've been looking for this story for several days.

FOUND: Demons Took Them Away by lipah (Thank you to [livejournal.com profile] nicky69 for the find!)
06 January 2016 @ 09:21 pm
This fic pops into my mind every now and again and I'd really love to read it - however, it appears that the authors account had been friend locked. It's been a few months and if they are still active have not friended in return. I've lurked through and found other posts looking for this fic and have messaged users individually without much luck.

So, I was just wondering, if anyone has this fic on hand would they be willing to send it to me? To XxLilKonekoxX@gmail.com

What Doesn't Kill Us by Kroki_Refur

22 December 2015 @ 09:27 pm

I was looking for a specific story where Sam commits suicide as a teenager. The story features John, Dean, and Adam (who was raised by the Winchesters/in the hunting life). The relationship amongst John, Dean, and Sam was rocky. I think Sam and Adam may have been close. I want to say he was mostly ignored or put down a lot.

After he killed himself, he pretty much became an unspoken topic in the Winchester household (they still kept his old duffel bag with some of his clothes and artifacts in the trunk of the Impala). Later on in the story, Dean and Adam were sent back in time and Sam was brought back to life.

I hope this wasn't too confusing. I'm probably mixing up other stories with the one I'm looking for lol!

EDIT: The story has been found! I did mix up the details of the story, though lol! The link for the story is in the comments :-)

Thank you every and happy holidays!
Okay, so I believe that these are two separate specific fics that I am looking for, but I could be wrong. Both are set pre-series, after Sam leaves for Stanford and are more or less from John's POV focusing on Dean and how he's handling his brother leaving (hint: not well). Both are Wincest, maybe only in implication, I can't 100% remember. I think both are oneshots/under 10k. The details I remember are below:

1. Dean is really not handling Sam leaving well and John is kind of refusing to acknowledge it, with kind of an attitude of "he's doing pretty okay" but then they hunt something that they both KNOW has been throwing people off cliffs and he sees Dean follow it up onto a clifface anyway and nearly get himself killed and then he's like "holy shit I think he just tried to commit suicide by hunting." Dean, of course, doesn't cop to it, but I think things get moderately better after they talk about it a little.

2. I remember even less detail about the second fic, but what stands out in my memory is a scene where Dean has just drunk himself dumb and is just sitting on the floor in the bathroom being intermittently sick while John witnesses. They may kind of discuss in this scene that Dean is losing it now that Sam's gone, and I think John might even draw a comparison to how he reacted to losing Mary.

I'm not quite sure that "John Finds Out" is the right genre to categorize this, but there is definitely acknowledgement from John in both of them that there was something more significant about his sons' bond than he initially realized. Take that as you will. I remember them both being subtle and very sad.

Thanks for your help!
26 August 2015 @ 11:38 am
Hi all!

Are there any Selfharm/Suicid Jared fic out there?

I can only find Jensen or Sam.
Current Mood: curious
Current Music: none
Current Location: office
16 August 2015 @ 12:44 am
So. Because I'm a masochist and angst is how I roll, I was wondering if there were any fics out there where Sam has to deal with the fallout of a suicide attempt? Like, at some point he tries to kill himself, but Dean finds out in time and stops it. But then maybe Dean's still in panic mode or freaked out or just plain tired - for whatever reason he loses his temper and slams Sam down for being so selfish, running away from his problems whenever things get hard, etc.

Just, something where almost-suicide doesn't immediately bring the boys back together, as usually happens in fics, but brings about other negative repercussions. It could even just be a brief scene where emotions are running high and Dean says something he later regrets.
Not actually looking for any Sam-bashing though, please. Though do bring on the Sam-whump. Ensuing hurt/comfort and a happy ending would be nice, if possible :D
Hi all looking for one specific fic that I know I read a while ago but can't find it, I've written what I can remember down below.

1 - Sam and John are fighting so much that they forget about Dean, I think they might have left him after a hunt and drove off, I'm 99% it was pre series. Also any fics that are like this one with Dean being forgotten during one Sam and John's fights.

2 - Also any fics with Sam and Dean having a massive fight, extra points if there is lots of Hurt Dean and it takes a long time for them to make up.

3 - Any decent Dean attempted suicide fics, I have been through pretty much all the tags and wondering if anyone has anymore.

4 - Any good crossover fics with any of these fandoms - The walking Dead, Buffy, Vampire Diaries, Originals, NCIS, Dark Angel, CSI

Also I haven't been apart of the Supernatural fandom for about two years lived in an area with really slow internet and couldn't afford the TV Lisence (I'm from the UK). So any older fics I probably haven't read and I'm still catching up with the last couple of seasons of Supernatural but spoilers don't bother me in the slightest will still read the fics.

Current Music: Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody
Current Location: United Kingdom, Sunderland
Current Mood: blah
04 August 2015 @ 10:42 pm
Looking for a fic on ff.net. It's right after Sam finds out he is Lucifer's vessel and after the phone call to Dean. I think Dean comes to find Sam at his hotel ands finds that Sam killed himself by a gunshot wound to the head. As Dean holds Sam in his arms Sam starts to heal and comes back to life.
28 July 2015 @ 11:33 am
Looking for 1 specific J2 fic and 3 specific wincest fics.
Cut for long-ish text )

I went through the tags here and searched via google for these fics but nothing came up. I'm terrible with google search though, Hopefully someone can help me thanks :)
(mods, I hope this is ok. I know a bunch of folks have asked/searched for this story)

[livejournal.com profile] saraid has reposted her amazing story "Into my Head," which a lot of folks have searched for.

Summary: "Child Services caseworker Sam St. John moved from San Antonio, Tx, to Galveston, searching for a more gay-friendly environment. He never expected to meet Dean Winchester and his family, who run a horse ranch and riding stable on the island. They welcome him with open arms and Sam can't help falling for the silent green-eyed man.
Notes: Dean and Sam's biological relationship is undetermined and will remain so."

05 May 2015 @ 10:12 pm
I've been reading some Sam angst recently but now I'd like some that is focused on Dean. Fics featuring Depressed or suicidal or self-harming are what I'm looking for. No death fics, please. Happy endings are a must, and plenty of caring and protective Sam. Nothing too long (I can only take angst in small doses)20,000-ish words, and preferably no Castiel. No fics that feature John being an asshole. Gen or Wincest is fine, bottom!Dean if there is any sex.
Current Music: CCR
Current Mood: bored
10 April 2015 @ 12:05 pm
I don't know the exact details of them but this is what I can remember.

1) I think its a sequel to another fic where Sam was kidnapped but that might have just been at the beginning of the book. Sam is struggling to cope after it happens and ends up in a pyschiatric ward. He then tries to kill himself and one of the doctors stayed with him all night after it happened to try and calm him down and then Dean goes and visits him and they end up falling asleep on the couch before someone slams the door waking them up. I think Sam asks why Dean wants to take him home.

2) It's either wee!chester or teen!chester and Dean gets hurt on a hunt and John refuses to let Sam come to the hospital to see him. I think Bobby and maybe Pastor Jim or Caleb are in this story. They try and talk some sense into John but John isn't having any of it. John says something really harsh to Sam when he calls him and then I think Bobby shouts at John. Sam is upset by what's happening and I think he ends up in the hospital too.

Sorry for the terrible descriptions.

Thanks xxx
Hi everyone!
I've been looking through the suicidal tag and I gave up for like 2 pages, cuz they're ALL suicidal!Sam. So I decided just to try my luck here...

I'm looking for stories where Dean is suicidal for whatever reason(Sam leaving him, feel unworthy, being tortured/raped, etc), and he tries to hurt or kill himself and Sam or John or whoever finds out about it and feels guilty or something like that.

I prefer gen fic and stanford!era, or stories set in the first few seasons, but other eras are OK. If the fic has slash content I'd love it features a bottom!Dean. I love long fics, so that I can cry over and savour Dean's pain. ;)

Bonus if the person finds out about it feels super guilty (cuz they are neglecting Dean or something they've done hurt Dean very very badly) and becomes super protective over Dean.
Bo-bonus if the fic also has some delicious hurt!Dean. Cuz Dean is so beautiful when he's broken. XD

Hope I can get manysome recs. ><

Thanks in advance!
29 January 2015 @ 11:42 am
I remember pretty much everything about this fic since I read it several times, but I can't find it anymore. It's about how Jared's parents died when he was a kid and he went into the foster system, where he was abused by several different sets of foster parents. He then gets put into the care of the Ackles family, who work on a farm. I think it was split into two different parts, the first one with Jared settling into life on the ranch and getting caught in a flash flood after running away, and the second beginning with Jared attempting to kill himself after Jensen gets mad at him, finishing with him and Jensen finally becoming an official couple at the end around Christmas.
Two general story searches:

So, I was recently reading a collection of stories that all featured Suicidal!Sam, which included a few centered around Mystery Spot. I was wondering if anyone had found stories where Gabriel is shocked by how far Sam goes to try to end the loop, and stops the loop as a result? Bonus points if Gabriel has to work to fix Sam's broken mind.

In line with that, does anyone have stories where people are trying to fix Sam's craziness? It can be any form of crazy, from Hell trauma to general life issues. Fixing via talking it out or by magical dream walking are both awesome. Basically, I just love Sam finally getting the help he deserves.

btw, if you don't know what I mean by magical dream walking, check out this fic: Between the Lines of Fear and Blame by Faye Dartmouth
09 January 2015 @ 05:32 pm
I can't seem to find any good Suicidal!Sam fics. I prefer it if John was the cause of Sam's suicide or almost-suicide, but I'll take what I can get.
Current Mood: blah
Hey guys. I'm looking for 2 fics, and I don't care if it's a self rec, if you wrote it, or if you found it after I post this. Anyway, these are them:

1) John finds Sams Stanford letter and ruins Sams plans for his attendance. Sam, heartbroken, tries to kill himself.

I don't care if Sam dies or not, but Dean has to be devastated and John has to see the error of his ways.

2) Sam thinks that John doesn't love him and runs away, only to be taken in by Gabriel and turned into a Trickster.

John and Dean (and maybe Bobby) have to run into them eventually. Gabe and Sam have to be a couple.
Current Mood: bored
Hey guys :)

Since season 9 I've been having a massive craving for wincest fics focused on the aftermath of Sam and Dean's big fight after Sam finds out about Gadreel. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be much in the fandom, so I was wondering if you guys could help me out?

I am basically looking for any fics where after the fight, the boys stop talking to each other (as canon in the show), but they're in a relationship so this afffects them more than usual. Any fics with a pining, guilty, heart broken Dean where he blames himself bitterly for what he did and so tries to win Sam back? Stories where a pining Dean thinks that Sam doesn't love him anymore and so as a result tries to kill himself? Alternatively, any stories where Sam realises what a dick he's been to Dean and appologises?

I will literally take anything you have (a/b/o? (I read this really awesome fic on the spn kink meme where Dean goes into heat when Sam and him weren't talking, and another one where Sam cuts off his mating bond with Dean which depresses him and so he tries to kill himself. Any fics like that?), just as long as it's within my boundries of what I'm looking for.


Hi, I'm looking for a specific story, it's wincest, and I'm pretty sure it's a one shot, and it ends with suicide. John, Sam and Dean hunt together, but Sam does drugs and is in love with Dean, there's a specific scene I remember, the three of them are in a diner and Sam suggests that they get jobs and John says something like "so you can buy drugs?" or something like that...
This was definitely on Archive of our Own. Basically, Sam is suicidal, but can't flat out kill himself (duty to his family, maybe?), and instead, while going around checking the salt lines, etc., he prays to god, or a deity or an angel or someone to have a monster come and kill him. Dean overhears him praying, and they get all emotional and comforty and stuff.
Thank you!
pairing: jared/jensen, warning: self harm, warning: suicide, warning: dub-con, kink: mpreg,

I am looking for 2 things right now, have actually been for a long time! PLEASE HELP!!!

1. I'm looking for a specific j2 fic in which the world has less and less males and females capable of producing children and therefore it has become regulated by the government to assign breedable people to partners. Jensen, who had never been tested, only finds out he is one when he goes to take the final physical exam for a new job he was due to start & that's when his world comes crashing down around him. He loses most of his legal rights, his freedom, his fiance, everything, etc... He tries to fight it through legal means but he loses his case in court. He ends up being assigned to Jared, who is so happy & excited to have finally been matched with someone & to have a happy, loving family & live happily ever after. What he ends up with is an unwilling partner who only allows him to have sex with him because the alternative is being sent to a cruel man who would rape him brutally or a brothel type place so Jared is kind of the lesser of 2 evils in his mind. Jared tries to be kind & to win Jensen over & to a certain extent he does in the end but Jensen can't seem to get over the life he lost/the life he would have had with the woman he loved. Jensen does become pregnant due to Jared's couplings with him & while pregnant, he gets visited by his family who are ecstatic that he will have children and while they are there he finds out that his brother has married his former fiance. Both his family's attitude toward his situation and the fact that his brother married the woman he loved are too much for Jensen & he attempts to throw myself down the stairs and kill himself. He survives, as does the baby. Jared is devastated & he doesn't know how to help Jensen because he is in love with Jensen even though his feelings aren't returned. Eventually, Jensen gives birth & refuses to have anything to do with the baby or the other child that follows.

2. I am also looking for any stories like The Billionare's Reluctant Husband.
Hey there!!!!!!!!!!
I am looking for stories where Sam either attempt suicide or gets seriously injured due to Dean's neglect while he is detoxing in the panic room. I will prefer if it is not wincest!!
Thank you so much!!!
06 September 2014 @ 02:34 pm
Set in season 7 and Dean overdoses on his pain killers for his broken leg, he washed the pills down with whiskey.. I remember Sam sticking his fingers down Dean's throat and later putting him to bed saying "I hate you so much right now" or something like that.

Anyone? :)
22 August 2014 @ 10:08 pm
Looking for any fics where Sam goes back in time (either by himself, with Dean, or Dean finds out and follows) like in "The Song Remains The Same" (Could be set in that ep too) and tries to fix things for Dean.

This could mean:
 --He tries to kill past him
 --He tries to stop his mom from having him
 --He tries to change the future.

Prefer no death fics, but feel free to post them for those who do enjoy that kind of story, but please make sure to label them as death fics so I don't read them.

If younger sam and dean are incorporated into the story (pref like Dean is all pissed at older dean for being a dick to Sam) that would be a huge bonus.
Thanks so much :)
Current Mood: depressed ish
Current Location: bed
Current Music: butts
05 August 2014 @ 02:22 am
Jared and Genevieve were getting married, Jensen didn't show up. Jensen either committed suicide or attempted to. It was a short fic i think?
Are there any fics of Sam dying preseries for one reason or the other?

Are there more stories that are like https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3691343/1/House-of-Burden in where Sam is the only hunter in the family?

Another Sam fic only this time I would like post attempted suicide fics. As in the aftermath of suicide where Sam didn't succeed.

Wincest fics where the boys struggle with the relationship because they are brothers. They are in the relationship, or about to start one, and they do want it and want it bad however the fact that they are brothers isn't something that they can let go for whatever reason. It can be either Sam or Dean or both.

This one is a bit more general but I would like fics that handle canon divergence, in short terms I want AUs from a certain point. Such as Sam not choosing Stanford, or Sam listening to Dean at the end of season 4 and not going with Ruby, or hell even Mary not going into the nursery that night or anything else like that.

Thank you everyone.
So, I am looking for fics which have suicidal Sam/Jared. For the SPN version, I would love it if Dean feels guilty about it. (Maybe he said something that pushed Sam over the edge?) If the RPF version deals with eating disorders or homophobia, just drop me a warning. (Oh, and I read 'Monster' by freaknout and I loved it.)

Both Slash and Gen fics are fine. Death fics are more than okay. It can be set in any season, pre-series, non-au or even au. Self-recs are always welcome.
Basically I have no special requirement for this search expect that it focus on suicidal!Sam and/or suicidal!Jared.

Thank you in advance.

Mods: I have this problem where all my tags sometimes disappear after you have approved the entry. It might have something to do with me using a plus account.
Current Mood: sad
18 June 2014 @ 05:19 pm
I'm looking for some fics where Jensen or Dean takes an overdose.
I'm also looking for some long Jensen or Dean-centric stories with a lot of hurt/comfort
Pairing can be J2/Wincest or gen.
Thank you
05 June 2014 @ 08:36 pm
I remember that Sam was trying to commit suicide to escape being Luicfer's vessel but since he can't he starts hunting without caring about his safety since Luicfer keeps. Ring him back. Dean finds him on one of those hunts and believes that it's a monster that looks like Sam and he called Bobby to figure out what it was. Finally, Sam convinces Dean that he his Sam and Dean finds out of the suicide attempts.

I hope someone knows the fic. Thanks in advanced.

Found in comments. 
30 May 2014 @ 03:28 pm
I'm looking for several J2 recs

1. Jensen is being abused and Jared helps him.

2. Jensen has an eating disorder

3. Jensen commits suicide or is doing self-harm

4. Shy!Jensen fics

5. Jensen is addicted to drugs or forced to take drugs

6. High school fics

I would prefer bottom!Jensen fics but bottom!Jared fics are fine too
28 May 2014 @ 08:46 pm
hey guys! do y'all have any sam-centric fic recs along the lines of:

1. superhero/superpowers, or maybe mutants

2. dystopian/scifi/hunter and hunted(like one's a hunter and the other's being hunted) AUs

3. powers!sam

4. super-angsty fics, maybe with self-harm or suicidal thoughts

5. angsty sastiel fics

i've sort of browsed my way through most of archiveofourown and the sam/dean archive, so if you guys know any more obscure fics that'd be great!