Hey everyone! I created an account just for this, so if I’m doing something wrong, it’s beacuse I have no idea what I’m doing. 

About a year ago I read a Jensen/Jared fic, (and its precuel) that I forgot to save the link to and now I can’t find anywhere. In the fic not much changes from real life, they’re actors and they met in Supernatural, except that their marriages are beards (shocker lol) and Gen is awful, basically.

Jared has depression and I think that at a given point, he a Jensen argue at a party and he accidentally overdoses and it looks like he tried to commit suicide.

The precuel is about how they got together during the first(s?) season of spn, and I think, (I might be confusing it with some other fic tho, sorry) that Jared opens up about a guy who forced him to make out with him and tried to go further.

Also in the precuel (again, might be wrong) Jensen buys a bunch of alcohol and locks himself in during a long weekend to sort his feelings out and writes a list of all the things he likes about Jared.

I copy and paste the parts that inspire me from certain fics for future reference, (I already learned the lesson of save the link, but at the time I didn’t) so I have quotes from it that might help. I’ve tried looking them up but nothing shows.

Here are the ones from the fic:

He did not reveal his full temper very often because the force of it scared even him. Not that he was the kind of person to punch walls and throw glass bowls at someone’s head; no, he used words. His voice turned to acid and words spilled uncontrollably from his lips, burning through anything and everything that got in his way.

Jared’s eyes went straight to Jensen’s and they had a silent conversation, considering their options and the pros and cons of each one. Jared didn’t want Genevieve to come up, and he knew Jensen wanted to see her even less. But Suzanne had mentioned her bringing their kids, which Jared reminded Jensen of with an eyebrow raise and a head tilt. Jensen acknowledged Jared’s point with a head nod and a sigh. They both missed their kids, and if they were able to see three of them without having to make a long flight down to Austin after an exhausting workweek, that was something neither of them could pass up.

It wasn’t black, because black is still something. It was a void. Nothingness.
Awareness came first, slowly. Awareness that something existed, and that something was him.
Awareness that he was a him, though he wasn’t sure what that meant.
Awareness that he could think, though he didn’t know what a thought was.
It came faster after that, but everything still felt knew, unfamiliar. Strange. He would later imagine it as how a baby felt when being born. Confusion, an influx of knowledge that made no sense, and uncertainty. But mostly confusion.
He drifted in and out, not bothering to push in one direction or another because he didn’t know which way was preferably, if it even mattered at all.
His first sense to return was sound, though there was very little to hear. A quiet beep beep beep, a soft humming, an inhale-exhale that wasn’t coming from him but from right beside him.
Touch was the next to come back, and the first thing he noticed was a warm weight against his side. This seemed to snap him back to reality, and everything else crowded his mind and body at once. He was still disoriented, couldn’t separate details or specifics, but he was coherent enough to realize that there was a body next to him, pressed up against him, and that freaked him out enough to wake him up completely.
His breaths became quick and shallow and his eyelids finally peeled back, allowing him to take in the dark and unfamiliar surroundings. As he struggled to sit up, the weight beside him disappeared and he heard a voice speak.

And from the precuel:

“You wanna get some barbeque? You like barbeque, right? Oh hell, what am I even saying, you’re from Texas! Of course you like barbeque. But do you like me—I mean, would you want to go get some with me? Today, or…y’know, tomorrow. Whenever you’re hungry, but you’re like always hungry, I think, it seems like, so today would be better—” Jensen snapped his mouth shut before he could shove his other foot into it to join the one he’d just put there. He hadn’t babbled like that in…well, ever. He just didn’t do that. He quickly stopped caring when Jared answered him, though, and this time much faster.
“Dude! Yeah, of course,” Jared giggled, he fucking giggled, and Jensen felt himself melt a little at that sound. What the hell was happening to him? But he didn’t have time to ponder that question because Jared was still talking. “Do you know a good place? Because I’ve been looking ever since I got here and I keep getting disappointed. Everywhere I’ve tried, they’re not bad but they’re not Texas good, y’know?”
“Yeah, I know,” Jensen replied breathlessly. And now he had something else to worry about, because what if the restaurant he chose was one Jared had already tried and didn’t like?

He couldn’t even string together one coherent though describing what felt so off, so trying to articulate it? Not likely to happen.

“I don’t know how to tell you what’s wrong because I don’t even know what’s wrong!”
That was only partially true. One of the most enjoyable (sarcasm, obviously) things about depression was its lack of rhyme or reason; it had no interest in logic or rationale or timing. It struck when it wanted, where it wanted, why it wanted, and it always left Jared scrambling. However, just because his depression didn’t need an excuse didn’t mean it never had one, and currently Jared had a virtual smorgasbord of faults and justifications that his depression could pick and choose from at its leisure.

That was super long and I’m sorry, but if you can find it or remeber having read it, I will literally love you for the rest of eternity. 

Thanks in advance!