Hi in trying to find some John/Abused Dean stories I came across this one but the journal is deleted.  There are several other stories from this author that sound interesting.  They are not in the deleted journal page.  I was wondering if anyone had any of them saved?

Also any recommendations for abused Dean, most especially where he protects Sam or hides it from others or Sam or someone finding out when they are older.

thank you
Hi everyone, I am looking for any fics where Dean is being abused by John or others sexually, physically or both and he tries to hide it from everyone and where he protects Sam by taking the abuse.  They could include any other pairings, Destiel, etc.  Lots of angst a plus.  I've read quite a few but hopefully there are some out there I have not read yet.  Can be high school or any other time period.

I am also looking for two specific fics.
1.  Dean was raised by John I think he kidnapped him or got custody and Sam was raised by Mary.  Mary was remarried to someone rich.  It is not Sink or Swim but very similar.  There was no Charlie in this one.  Dean was abused and has a hard time adjusting.  At one point he overhears Sam say he wishes Dean never came there and he runs away and overdoses in an ally and ends up in the hospital.  It might not even be complete.  I believe its Destiel too.
2.  Dean and Sam are with John and John abuses Dean, one time he ends up in the hospital.  They end up being foster cared by the Novaks who have other foster kids, maybe Benny is one?.  Dean has panic attacks and flashbacks.  This part may be part of this story or I am mixing it up with another story, and if so then I would like that story name too, but Dean goes back to their apartment and finds a journal that John kept of all the abuse he did to Dean with pictures.  They go to court and when it seems like John may go free Dean gives the journal to the judge.  Dean ends up in a treatment center that uses art I think?

Thank you
05 August 2017 @ 01:36 pm
I'm looking for a story, I think it was eventually Destiel, where a young Omega Dean is kicked out/abandoned/or dumped by his pack/John, and found/taken in by Castiel and his pack. I'm 99% sure it was a Werewolf AU, and that Dean was an Omega, or possibly a sub? I remember Cas found him outside in the snow or something, badly injured? I think John had beaten him before abandoning him. I remember a scene where Cas brought Dean to someone to be healed, possibly Ellen? I'm pretty sure Dean was a teenager at the start of the story, and that Cas was the alpha of a large pack. It was quite a long story, possibly still a WIP, and I think it was on AO3. Thanks!

I was hoping you could help me find Stanford era Dean-centric fics that have MINIMAL Sam angst. I'm tired of starting promising looking fics only to discover Dean spends all his time missing Sam or thinking about how smart and strong he is to get out of the life. It's both out of character and uninteresting to me when Dean has no anger or resentment about the fact that he was (in his point of view) abandoned. So I would like recommendations that aren't all about Sam's absence. However, a focus on his relationship with John is more than welcome, as are case fics.

I'm also looking for pre-series fics that explore the dangerous situations Dean was put in as a child with a focus on human monsters. Especially the scarily plausible idea that he was sexually abused in the past. A trope that I'm tired of encountering when it comes to this type of fic is when the predator is originally after Sam and either settles for Dean or Dean offers himself up to protect Sam. Please, recommend me stories that avoid that cliche and have Dean as the one who's in danger from the start. The only fics I'm accepting where that scenario plays out would be ones where Dean is bitter about what happened to him instead of perfectly content that nothing bad happened to his brother.

I apologize for how bitter this request sounds. I just want Dean trauma fic that is about Dean and only Dean and avoids cliches. If you happen to have something that fits the general description without necessarily being pre-series then I welcome that too.
22 May 2017 @ 12:26 am
I'm wondering if there are any fics where Dean or Sam (slight preference for Dean) have an abusive girlfriend - and this is NOT used to make him alter or reconsider his sexuality (that is, he does not suddenly discover an interest in males) or throw him into the arms of someone else (regardless of said someone else's gender/sex). Apparently, this is a trope for Destiel fics, but I'm a non-shipper so any non-ship fics of this sort I'd love to read. I just see both brothers (slightly moreso Dean) being really ripe for a manipulative romantic partner. Because I'm a canon-only sort of girl, please no abusive boyfriends for either brother.
26 January 2017 @ 09:04 pm
I'm looking for some fics where Sam seriously hurts Dean. By this I mean physically, not mentally. The injury could be near death, or just really painful to Dean. Sam might do this by accident, like maybe he screws up on a hunt, or maybe he might want to hurt Dean in some way, but accidentally takes it too far, such as maybe Sam and Dean are in one of their fights, and Sam hits Dean too hard, or possibly he might do something really serious like stab or shoot Dean whilst in a really angry mood. Any of these would be amazing, or any other suggestions. I don't mind pre series fics, and I don't mind Castiel or other characters in it, as long as it is mainly based on Sam and Dean. No love or smut, especially no Cas/Dean or Dean/Sam pairing, all just Sam hurts Dean, and NO DEATH FICS! I know, I'm a horrible person, I just love these kind of fics. for a bonus, maybe Dean doesn't tell Sam how badly he is hurt, until he collapses or something, and Sam is guilty as hell. Thanks in advance! :)
Hello. I have a few general searches I'd appreciate some help with.

1) Any fics dealing with the torture Sam went through at the hands of Michael and Lucifer whilst stuck in the cage.

2) Fics about Sam (either set in or similar to season 7) dealing with Lucifer banging up his noggin.

3) Possible AU's where Sam actually was still stuck in the cage and Lucifer was just messing with his head, rather than Sam just being crazy.

4) Any alpha/omega style fics where Dean/Cas/Sam are omegas and have abusive alphas, with some hurt/comfort in there of course.

5) Fics where Cas has somehow become human and turns to Sam and Dean for help, but Dean (or Sam) decides they can't forgive him for the things he's done and abuses him in secret. (And I've already read Repent Of Your Sins (http://archiveofourown.org/works/1178489), which is what got me onto this in the first place.

I'd appreciate the help. Thanks guys.
Current Music: Five Finger Death Punch, Battle Born
Current Mood: tired
Hello, me again.

Specific fic: There's this alpha/omega style fic I started reading a week ago but forgot to bookmark, I think it may have been on AO3, and it had Dean, Cas, Charlie and I think someone named Gilda(?) where they were at some sort of omega resort, and Cas and Dean were in a relationship that their alphas' didn't know about. I think I got up to the point where Cas reveals his alpha has taken him off of birth control and Dean kinda freaks out a bit. That's all I can remember.

General searches:
1) Any alpha/omega style fics where Dean/Cas/Sam are omegas and have abusive alphas, with some hurt/comfort in there of course.

2) Fics where Cas has somehow become human and turns to Sam and Dean for help, but Dean (or Sam) decides they can't forgive him for the things he's done and abuses him in secret. (And I've already read Repent Of Your Sins (http://archiveofourown.org/works/1178489), which is what got me onto this in the first place.

I'd appreciate the help. Thanks guys.
Current Mood: drained
Current Music: Breaking Benjamin, Anthem Of The Angels
21 November 2016 @ 01:23 pm
I have a few general searches:

1) Anything where Dean is abused by someone but keeps it a secret from everyone, but then when they're adults someone (John, Sam, Bobby etc.) finds out and comforts him.

2) Something where Dean suffers through really bad abuse in order to protect Sam from it (preferably teenchester or weechester).

3) Dean or Sam is being abused by John and the other finds out.

If anyone could help me out that'd be great!
16 October 2016 @ 08:18 pm
Hi, so I'm looking for any fics that are centered around Dean and John, where John is an abusive/neglectful father and doesn't treat Dean the way he treats Sam. I'm open to any and all kind of abuse, whether it be sexual or psychological. Preferably no wincest, but that doesn't really bother me too much.
14 October 2016 @ 01:41 pm
Hi is there any fics where Dean abuses Cas or the other way around whilst in a relationship?

I don't mind if it is emotional, mental, sexual, financial or physical but would prefer physical.

Thank you.
Current Mood: calm
06 August 2016 @ 10:32 pm
1) Looking for fics where Dean is abused by John (or Sam) and saved by other people (Bobby, Pastor Jim, random people). Any kind of abuse is welcome.

2) This may be one fic or several fics that had the same theme. Dean dies in the main universe. John and/or Sam somehow enter an alternate universe. The Dean in that universe is being abused by its John and Sam. So original John and/or Sam rescue alt!Dean and bring him back to their universe to save.
I read a fanfiction where is in an abusive relationship with Michael and Castiel is Michael's boss. Michael forces dean to sleep with castiel in order to give himself better chances at work.
I think that it was in an a/b/o universe and I'm pretty sure that it was on ao3.

Does anyone know the story?

Oh and I think that it was Part of a series!
Current Mood: curious
26 April 2016 @ 11:22 pm
I have read this fic some time ago. Its a long fic with Dean having schizophrenia(?) He was made to believe that the whole hunting life that he had with Sam and the others was all in his imagination. Turned out that he was placed there by some bad people. I cant remember who helped him escaped but he was reunited with Sam, Bobby and the other hunters. They convinced him that it was all real. There was a lot of angst and hurt/comfort. I have tried searching to no avail. I really hope I can read this fic again as it was very good. Your help is very much appreciated.
Hi y’all,

I’m looking for fics that feature any kind of hurt!Dean (injured on a solo hunt or after he got separated from his hunting partner, hooking to get money, in Hell, kidnapped, captured, tortured… you get the gist). I know there are tons of fics like that out there, but I would like to find those that don’t use hurt!Dean as a reason to pity him, show how damaged and broken he is and how he needs protection from Sam/Cas/whoever.

I’d like to read those that concentrate on the fact that even after going through something awful, Dean’s still strong enough to pull through. To endure, to wait it out, if need be. Bend, or even break, but also to put those broken pieces together again. To survive. (And still be able to find joy in life, to see good in the world, to care about those around him.)

In a similar vein, I’m also looking for hurt!Dean fics where Dean saves himself instead of having to wait for somebody else to come and save him. Maybe he overpowers/outsmarts his kidnappers and even wounded and bleeding, manages to get to a phone and call for someone to come for him. Maybe he dislodges himself from the tree trunk that fell on him when he was hunting a wendigo and manages to stagger/limp/crawl from the woods, reach the Impala and drive himself to a hospital.

Of course the fic doesn’t have to feature Dean only, other characters can be there too, and help him along the way, but Dean should be the one who pulls most of the weight when it comes to his rescue.

I’ll take gen, slash or het, any pairings. And I’ll be grateful for any suggestions. Thank you!

ETA: these are some stories that I’ve already read and that are in the spirit of what I’m looking for: Highway Chile, Wolf in Lamb’s Clothing, Ramble On, The 1300 Days, Last Child, Please Exit Hell Quietly by the Rear Doors, the Drive 'verse.

Even though Dean is in a really bad way in most of those, I feel they all showcase his strength of will, his determination to fight, in one way or another.
Current Mood: hopeful
23 February 2016 @ 09:59 pm
Do any of you know of some good fics with Dean as a high school student trying to take care of Sam? Especially if they still move around a lot and they've just come to town (although that's more a bonus than anything else). Hunters or not, whichever. Cas as a highschool student, if he's in it. General fics are good too. Anything that loosely matches any of that, really, I've just got some anti-John feels right now.
21 February 2016 @ 10:20 am
I have come across bits and pieces of this story. It was posted on spnkink-meme. The author has removed several parts of the story. Does anyone have the complete story as it was posted that they would be willing to share?
06 January 2016 @ 06:18 pm
This story was written by nephthys101. The links to chapters of the story no longer work. Would someone be able to make this story available to me?
25 November 2015 @ 04:39 am

I'm looking for this one specific homeless teen Dean fic. He meets Castiel behind a dumpster behind the Roadhouse (I think?) when he's looking for a place to sleep after he got kicked out by his dad. In the end they both sleep there. They both work as a prostitute, sometimes together. One day Alistair kidnaps Dean and they don't find him for a few days (weeks?). In the end Dean ends up in the hospital and Sam and John are there as well? -->
I lost all my bookmarks so if anyone could rec some longer (preferably at least 10k but if you think a shorter one is amazing too please add as well :) ) fics with these themes that would be great;
- Dark pre-stanford/stanford era. Dean centric.
- Abused!Dean (all the abuse, by everyone, canon or au)
- Abused!Castiel (again all the abuse)
- Abused Sam, but only by Castiel,Dean or John.
- Any other dark stories with Dark!Sam/Dean/Cas
- Any story where John comes back from the dead after season 5.

25 October 2015 @ 04:40 pm
There are a surfit of fics that feature Dean taking abuse (sexual and/or physical) to spare Sam, and a far lesser number that feature Sam doing something similar, but I can't seem to find many that have both of them in a bad situation.

So, anyone know of any fanfics where both Sam and Dean are being abused? Don't care by whom, but happy endings are preferred. Its also cool if the abuse is all in the past. Maybe they each thought they were the only one being hurt and it comes out years later that they both were?

Also, I'm interested in any fics that might feature Sam or Dean in an abusive relationship in the Stanford era. And maybe finally calling their sibling for help when it finally goes too far, or Sam or Dean being contacted by the hospital when their siblings abuser nearly kills them? Does that exist?

And I'm REALLY interested in all of the above featuring end game Destiel and/or Sabriel. Or gen. (Mpreg and a/b/o stuff doesn't bother me either, but I'm not really into worlds where omegas are seen as lesser beings.)

Please NO wincest, non supernatural AUs, or RPF. (I realize that probably cuts my options down but its just not my thing.)

Thank you!!!

Note: I really had to fight with my tablet to hit the right tags, sorry in advance if I missed one or hit a wrong one.
Current Mood: drained
Current Music: Emily Portman - Stick Stock
02 August 2015 @ 11:34 pm
Hi there I'm looking for any fics set while John is still alive in which Dean is abused sexually or raped, but NOT by John. I'm not interested in that. What I am interested in is:

1. Dean being abused and John finding out later and being the protective vengeful father.
2. Dean being attacked and John stopping it or finding him after the attack. I love the idea of John patching Dean up.
3. John being angry at Dean for some reason, maybe because he was irresponsible and left Sam, but then finding out what really happened.
4. Dean being raped or abused in some way in order to protect Sam and Sam or John finding out about it.

I am happy to have fics set after John is dead if they involve Sam finding out about what happened in the past. I am also happy with any pairing as long as it's m/m, but NOT John/Dean. Wincest is fine, I also love Destiel so that's okay as long as it is focused on what happened to Dean in the past.

*bonus points if it focuses heavily on the father son relationship between John and Dean. John doesn't need to be nice in it, just no sexual content between them.
**bonus points if it's set when they are young and another adult like Bobby or Ellen are more concerned about Dean's well-being than John is because he doesn't pay enough attention.
***extra bonus points if Dean has serious self-esteem issues as a result of what happens to him, the more angst the better. I know I'm cruel :p

This all sounds very specific but really anything you can send my way that is related to these issues is appreciated, I haven't read many of these kinds of fics so hopefully your searching skills are better than mine :) Thanks and happy hunting!!
Hi! I recently read two very good fics, both similar in some ways but very different and enjoyable! They were

The Spirit of Lawrence High (http://archiveofourown.org/works/2594180/chapters/5776937): Dean Winchester is funny, gorgeous, brave, loyal, and a breath of fresh air in Castiel Shurley's life. Dean Winchester is also a ghost haunting Castiel's school, but nobody's perfect, right?


Jump the Track (http://archiveofourown.org/works/224944): It's Dean's senior year at Lawrence High, and he's already given up on himself. It takes the arrival of the strange, intense, awkward Castiel Delacroix at the school to prove to Dean that maybe his life is worth saving after all.

One similarity that both of these fics have are that Dean was raped by Alastair. The rape isn't central to the plot, and the stories mainly focus on the romance, but the angst is exactly the kind of thing I love.

I was wondering if anyone knew of any other AU fics out there with this kind of a plot? If two's a coincidence I'm hoping someone can find a third and make it a pattern. I do enjoy reading fics that are completely original and complex, but sometimes I enjoy sitting back and working through several stories with kind of the same basic setup and ingredients, especially when I'm stressed. Not that these fics aren't both creative and complicated, but they share very similar themes that I'd like to read more of!

Specific ingredients I'm looking for: Teenage Destiel (or I'd settle for college), regular-kid!Castiel, kind-of-outcast!Dean, low-self-esteem!Dean, bad-guy-teenage!Alastair. I also enjoy themes of depression, rape/assault recovery, and developing relationship.

Thank you!
22 May 2015 @ 09:26 am

I'm looking for stories that have Dean being abandoned or taken for granted by his family, especially John. Abuse is okay too. Anything where Dean is being treated like shit by his family. If he leaves them or does something about it, that's great! I love when Bobby is involved.

08 May 2015 @ 12:12 am
Hey guys,
Found in the comments thank you!
I'm looking for a specific non-con destiel fic, I don't remember many details.

- Sam, Dean and Cas are all traveling together.
- Sam thinks Dean and Cas are in a consensual relationship and books 2 motel rooms so they could have privacy.
- Cas became a human or is graceless
- Cas is not allowed to sleep on the bed, he has to sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag.
- Cas is abused by Dean as punishment.
- Sam finds out Cas is not allowed to sleep on the bed and freaks out.
- I'm pretty sure it was on ao3 but it could also be on livejournal.

I'm also looking for some dark destiel fics, preferably hosted on livejournal.
One of them is dark, both of them are dark, neither of them are dark but they're in a dark situation,etc...
Au's are more than welcome, as are self-recs. I like Sam too so I'm totally okay with him being in the story as well.
Happy ending not required.
21 April 2015 @ 12:19 pm
Hey guys, I'm looking for some stories where Dean or Jensen is just fucked up. I'm looking for some high quality angst in a Dean or Jensen centered story. I'm not pick about the length, and my preferred ships are J2, Wincest, DeanCas, and Cockles. I also prefer bottom!Dean and bottom!Jensen, so let me know otherwise, please. If it's RPS, please no wife-hate!
Thank you!!
11 March 2015 @ 07:29 pm

There were three fics that I read at various points in time and despite combing through my bookmarks, I can't seem to find them (probably because I have too many bookmarks...).

Anyway, the first was a Destiel fic alternate season 4/5 sorta deal. At some point, it's revealed that Dean is God or something of the sort and he has to seal the gates of heaven to stop the Apocalypse. There's a scene in the end where he's about to sacrifice himself and he's telling Cas to let all the angels know that he's closing the gates for good and whoever wants out of Heaven needs to go now. Cas figures out that he plans on dying to finish his mission and begs him to "let it go" (but i don't remember what 'it' was in this fic).

The second story is also Destiel, I think. Dean and Sam were hunting something in the beginning of the story and Dean's supposed to be protecting Grace (or something - I'm fuzzy on the details) and ends up swallowing it, thus gaining all sorts of powers and whatnot? That's all I really remember for that one.

The final one is Wincest non-con. Apparently the author wasn't a big Wincest fan but was tasked with writing a Wincest fic anyway and wrote one where Sam was possessed and rapes Dean. The story opens, I believe, with Sam handcuffed to the bed by Dean but he doesn't remember why or what happened. Dean's skittish and uncomfortable around Sam (as one would imagine) but still hunts with him. I think Sam figures out what he's done once he sees bruises on some part of Dean's body. I believe there also may have been a sequel? Pretty sure I read this one on ff.net. (And it's not the story where Sam and John were possessed and raped Dean as Hands and Fist under Dick Roman's control.)

I'm looking for any fics with:

1) abusive/drunk/asshole!john abuses dean in any way.
Bonus for (especially) Sam, or maybe even Bobby (or some other character) intervening on Dean's behalf.

2) fics with Jared/Jensen where either J1 or J2 (or both?) is being abused by their spouse/partner/parent, etc. Especially fics where J1 saves J2 from the situation - lots of hurt/comfort.

If anybody could help me find fics like this... it would make me very happy. <3
For reference, I think I might post fics I've already recced' here as well.

The Recs so Far...
My delicious tags for abuse (I must be a psycho...so many tags):

Recs by [livejournal.com profile] ohwillothewisp

  • Old Ghosts, New Love When Jared and Jensen have their first real fight it brings to light some trauma from Jensen's past.

  • Stealing His Omega Jensen was a thief for hire. He had just not expected to find this priceless treasure in the house he was robbing.

  • Wedding Night  Jared is a young omega who is about to go into his first heat. At the same time, his parents set up an arranged mating to secure a business deal. To Jared's surprise, his alpha isn't interested and instead, ties him to a machine with no synthetic knot or alpha pheremones to satisfy his heat - for who knows how long. Jensen is a thief-for-hire (mid to late 20s), and he's been told the home containing his target should be empty, so he's curious when he hears crying and moaning. When he finds Jared, a clearly unclaimed omega all alone, he knows he's gonna steal a little something for himself as well. Besides, an alpha who doesn't take good care of their omega doesn't deserve to keep them anyways. At first Jared thinks his alpha has returned for him, but he becomes frightened when it becomes clear that some stranger wants to take him away. He desperately wants to be knotted but he doesn't trust this stranger and knows that it's very important to his parents that his marriage works out.

  • The Jester Jensen is the sidekick to one of the world's most respected heroes. A man loved and admired by all. What nobody knows is that the hero in question has been sexually abusing Jensen, since he took the boy in as his ward. Warning Jensen that if he tried to tell anyone the truth of what's been happening, no one would believe him, since everyone would just assume that Jensen had been brainwashed by one of his guardian's enemies. One day, Jensen is hurt in a fight against one of said heroes younger supervillain nemeses, aka Jared. Jensen is more hurt due to something that his mentor did to him, than what the bad guy's did to him.  Jared initially just takes Jensen along, planning to use him as a hostage against his mentor, but then he somehow finds out what the hero has been doing to Jensen. After that Jared becomes immensely protective of Jensen, takes care of him and tries to help him. Only stopping Jensen from going back, because he knows that if Jensen does, he'll just go back to his guardian's abuse. And he knows Jensen only wants to go back because he's scared of what his guardian would do to him if he didn't.

Recs by [livejournal.com profile] casey679

  • * Bring Me to Life: Jared’s a shy young man, whose life has never been easy. His father hates him, his mother drinks her sorrows away and his husband Paul condescendingly treats him like he is nothing more than a beautiful toy. When his husband has to go away on a business trip to Europe for two months, he sends Jared away to a ranch in the middle of nowhere to keep him under control. There, Jared meets people who show him what love, friendship and loyalty mean for the first time in his life. Can he escape his life and finally find some love and happiness for himself?

  • * Stars Fall In: Growing up next door to each other in Calvary, Tennessee, Jared has known Jensen practically their entire lives. He knows almost everything there is to know about Jensen, harbors all of Jensen’s secrets. And that’s why Jared is hellbent on getting Jensen out of there, before it’s too late.

  • * The Best Gift of All: Sam runs away from and abusive relationship, taking his daughter with him. On the road and trying to get as far as possible on limited funds, his car breaks down. Against his better judgment, Dean, a mostly retired hunter and the town mechanic, offers to let them stay with him until repairs can be made. Together, they find a way to comfort and heal each other.

  • * Shouting Out Loud: "Jensen and Jared are college students who are nothing alike and meet for the first time when they both enroll in an acting seminar. They are cast as the leads in an experimental 2-man play dealing with domestic violence."

  • * Fight for What's Yours: Jensen has to deal with a lot of things: the fact that he's in love with Jared is one. But when Chris asks Jared out, everything changes. Tiny trembles were felt as I pressed him closer and it was clear he was fighting the rising tears. Those beautiful eyes peered up through lashes damp with moisture and his broken voice whispered, 'Can I stay?' 'Oh, Jay…' I murmured, tugging him along the couch until he was practically in my lap and sliding my arms firmly around his torso, giving him the support he needed.

  • * Mismanaged: Jared has a secret that he hides from everyone. The only family he has left, his manager, has been manipulating him, forcing him to audition the old-fashioned way: on his knees. When he meets Jensen, he knows his secret is in jeopardy. When Jensen finds out, will he listen or will he break Jared's heart.

  • * Us Against The World: At the age of 10, Jensen had a car accident that caused brain injury, changing his life forever. Now at the age of 30 he is trying to branch out on his own for the first time. Jared is abused and mistreated by his widowed father. Friendless and alone, he meets Jensen when the older man moves into one of his father’s apartments. Can Jensen and Jared change their lives? Together they have a chance.

Recs by [livejournal.com profile] elwarre

  • Dangerous Waters by [livejournal.com profile] virtualpersonal: "Two decades ago, Dean Winchester was betrayed and left for dead by his own father. Now, the so-called Pirate King is poised to take revenge on the father who cast him out, and the brother who took his rightful place and has been living the high life. When Sam Winchester sets sail to collect a bride that he does not want, his journey is cut short and he finds himself at the mercy of a hard, bastard of a pirate who hates him and orders him to his bed. Inexplicably drawn to this mercurial and sometimes cruel man who holds the power of life or death over him, Sam walks a dangerous tightrope using everything in his arsenal to convince Dean to change course and see him as partner and ally rather than as his pawn and victim."

Bonus:Recs by [livejournal.com profile] rainbowglowing

  • Gunpoint by [livejournal.com profile] felisblanco: Jensen got his childhood stolen away from him when he was ten years old. Along with his memory, his voice and every emotion that wasn’t fear, hatred or anger. Question is, can Jared help him get any of it back? And more importantly, does Jensen really want him to?

Hi everyone!
I've been looking through the suicidal tag and I gave up for like 2 pages, cuz they're ALL suicidal!Sam. So I decided just to try my luck here...

I'm looking for stories where Dean is suicidal for whatever reason(Sam leaving him, feel unworthy, being tortured/raped, etc), and he tries to hurt or kill himself and Sam or John or whoever finds out about it and feels guilty or something like that.

I prefer gen fic and stanford!era, or stories set in the first few seasons, but other eras are OK. If the fic has slash content I'd love it features a bottom!Dean. I love long fics, so that I can cry over and savour Dean's pain. ;)

Bonus if the person finds out about it feels super guilty (cuz they are neglecting Dean or something they've done hurt Dean very very badly) and becomes super protective over Dean.
Bo-bonus if the fic also has some delicious hurt!Dean. Cuz Dean is so beautiful when he's broken. XD

Hope I can get manysome recs. ><

Thanks in advance!
06 February 2015 @ 05:51 pm
Looking for stories where Castiel has to care for or protect younger versions of Sam and/or Dean. Can be de-aged or just pre-series.

Specifically looking for stories where the boys are abused and Castiel is a doctor/pediatrician and is able to care for them, but other comfort stories work too. I think I read one where Castiel worked for CPS and had to care for the boys and I would like to find more of those as well.

If you know of any stories where Castiel has to gain wee!chester trust and comfort them that would also be awesome. Thanks!
I know I would be a real jerk asking for this but I just can't help it, so please don't hate me, I do love Sam myself :sob:

I'm hunting for stories in which Sam (or Cas, or anyone else but preferable Sam) loves so see Dean's tears, so he says harsh and mean words just to make Dean tears up, no physical abuse though.

Also, I'm looking for stories with NON-AU Dean or Jensen being in an abusive relationship with Sam or Jared (or Cas/Misha).
I have been searching for these for like 9 months and still couldn't find anythinhg :(

Oh and Bottom!Dean only please. Thank you! :x

Edit: Just remember a specific lost fic: Sam and Dean get three wishes from Santa (?) and use one to kill all the bad things on the world (monster, creatures, demons...). I'm mostly sure that it's Wincest. Please let me know if you bookmarked this one :x
24 November 2014 @ 08:29 pm

I feel like I've read all the good fan fics out there- I need help!

I'm looking for well-written multi-chapter, angsty, hurt!Dean fics with lots of brotherly love (AUs are my favorite- I like plot twists that take me by surprise!)

Please no angels, no destiel and no sexy business :P (doesn't have to be gen, just no sex scenes)

To make it easier for you, here are some specific things I'd like:

  1. Permanent injury

  2. Bullied!Dean, abused!Dean

  3. Weechesters

  4. Pre-series hurt!Dean

  5. Dean hiding injury or abuse

  6. Permanent injury due to torture

  7. PTSD (not hell related tho)

  8. Domestic fics

15 November 2014 @ 12:31 pm
Hello everyone!
I've recently been punchsucked into the spn fandom again and I'm looking for a quite old fanfiction I think I red on fanfiction.net (or AO3?) some time ago. It was an AU, destiel, and Castiel was a highly devoted priest who tried to save Dean (a young hooker) from perdition.
I don't really remember everything about the fic, but I can tell there was an exchange between Cas and Dean somewhere at the beginning of the story, in which Cas told Dean in a confessional something like "Son, that's your problem: you have no faith." To which Dean replied "How could I acquire faith? Faith is a gift, isn't it? I have no faith because it wasn't given to me, so were is my guilt?".
I know it's not much to work with, I'm really sorry. ;_; But I hope someone will remember this particular story.
Thank you in advance for everything.  (´ ▽`).。o♡
02 November 2014 @ 02:35 pm
1) Anyone remember the axe incident in Mystery Spot? I'm wondering if there are stories out there that deal with this or just some general "Sam accidently hurted Dean when Dean was trying to stop him doing something", if there are, please rec me some, please!

Oh and Dean doesn't have to die xD I have no problem with Jared and Jensen instead of Sam and Dean, and if there is some sex, Bottom!Dean only please.

2) Any fic with Adorable!Dean after Standford Era? I have already read all of the Adorable!Dean stories at [livejournal.com profile] hoodie_time so no need to rec me things there. No Deaged!Dean please!

Hi all, this is an older fic and I'm really vague on the details.

Dean and Sam not raised together. Probably on ff.net. Dean was a prostitute and Sam was being raised by a nice middle class family. I think they had the opportunity to take Dean at the same time but chose not to. At the start of the fic I think Dean somehow escaped/ran away from a 'john' in a hotel with Sam's help? Sam and his family were staying in the hotel too which was really lucky as the bad guy was a planning to kill (he was a serial killer?) Dean. I think they both realise they're long lost brothers. Sam talks his parents into taking Dean back home with them and letting Dean stay with them. I think another (or the same) serial killer/demon starts tracking Dean. Also Dean has a lot of trouble fitting in and Sam's mum has issues with Dean too (possibly guilt? She might have been the one to say no to adopting Dean in the first place). That's all I have. So, thanks in advance.
22 October 2014 @ 07:08 pm
I've somehow stumbled across quite a few fics lately where Gabriel or Balthazar or Meg (or someone) threatens Dean about his relationship with Cas because of how protective of him they are. Usually it's the, "you hurt him and I'll [insert bodily harm here]." It's gotten a little annoying lately. So I was wondering if anyone had something where the opposite happens - where Sam, Jess, Sarah, Benny, Charlie, Bobby or whatever threaten Cas about hurting Dean and they're all very protective of him for some reason?n Or, alternatively, where Dean is in a relationship with Cas (or Benny, Aaron - any male slash but preferably not Wincest) and they somehow break his heart. Maybe he's dumped or cheated on or forced to be in a secret relationship with them because his partner isn't out? Abused Dean like with Alistair also works!

Any fic request where it's RPF with Jensen in these situations with Jared or Misha or JDM are appreciated as well!
Current Location: my couch
Current Music: Beyonce
21 October 2014 @ 01:49 am
Hey guys! This is my first time posting, so apologies if I do it wrong!

I'm looking for fics containing all or some of these elements:
- John takes his anger out on Dean all the time, being physically and/or emotionally abusive
- Sam doesn't realise until much later (my favourite fics are where Sam finds out when they're both adults that John used to beat Dean up and Sam feels really bad about it)
- John Winchester generally being a really terrible guy to Dean, e.g. making it clear that Sam is the favourite/most important

Basically I want fics where John beats the hell out of Dean, I don't really care what age!

Please, NO Wincest or John/Dean or really any pairings at all. And no sexual abuse by John please. I would also prefer it to be pre-season 4/without Castiel, but I'll take anything I can get at this point really!

Thank you so much in advance! :)
in this story, Sam is  still at Stanford and John and Dean are hunting together.
John doesn't want anything to do with Sam anymore and he doesn't want Dean to contact his little brother either. But Dean can't resist and so one day he calls sam and John walks in on him and gets really angry and Sam hears the yelling over the phone

the one bit I really remember is when Sam gets to john and dean and john is holding dean's head under the water in the tub. Sam saves dean and take him with him from john
Hey, so I'm looking for fics where John has to choose between his boys. I would like fics where they are kidnapped or something, and John has to choose which boy dies or gets tortured or something like that, I'm not really looking for Death fics though! I've read a few like this but they're not really what I'm looking for! And I DON'T want fics with rape or sexual abuse.

I'm also looking for fics where the Boys travel back in time, to see their younger selves, I've also read a few of these but I haven't found any I really liked..

If anyone has any fics to rec that'd be awesome!
And please NO wincest or destiel!
27 September 2014 @ 10:07 pm
I am looking a specific story that puts the boys and John in an alternate universe. It chronicles their lives from their first motel night until the boys start hunting of their own accord. John drinks heavily, and initially Dean is responsible for keep Sam fed and quiet. As time goes on, John starts beating Dean, but Dean takes it so Sam doesn't have to. Then one night Sam stands up to John for Dean, and after both being beaten bloody, they escape to New York City. Dean gets a job at a garage and sends Sam to school.
25 September 2014 @ 03:48 pm
Hello everyone! I'm looking for fics where Dean is in (or was in) an abusive relationship with an omc. I prefer it to be physical abuse, but I'm not too picky. It can be au or sometime in established canon, as long as it's more than a one night stand. I really like the idea of seeing Dean in a domestic setting while all this is happening. The longer the better, but I'll read one-shots too. I also prefer no wincest, but I love Destiel. Sam is great though, so if he makes an appearance like in a brotherly role, that would be okay too. Other than that I don't care what's in the fics, but please no major character death. I've looked through all tags and I'm finding it difficult to find stories like this. Any help is appreciated!
22 September 2014 @ 12:31 am
Hi everyone - I'm looking for a Wincest fic. It's in Sam's POV, and he witnessed John raping Dean and killed John with a gun. CPS was called, and they took in Dean and Sam. Dean said that he killed John, and he was put into some sort of mental institution. Sam was later adopted by a healthy normal family. Years later, word gets out that Dean escaped and that he was looking for Sam. While this happens, Sam was already having a relationship with Dean, although Sam had no idea that Dean is his brother. There's a scene where when Sam finds out that Dean is actually his brother, Sam hurts Dean but really regrets it afterwards and kisses Dean until Dean responds back.

And then Dean tells him that he was abused by his psychologist but he was "smart about it" and was paid for having sex with the psychologist. Then Dean says that he'll take care of Sam from now on.

Thank you in advance! :)
21 September 2014 @ 09:00 pm
Okay, so I am looking for a specific story and general recs.

Specific: Story about John having abused Dean repeatedly (sexually and physically) and it all comes to light at a party that I think was because Sam either graduated or had brought Jess to the Roadhouse where they are staying. Everyone gets really pissed off at John and Dean has no self esteem to speak of. I know its on here somewhere but I have spent several hours searching through tags and can't find it! Argh!

General: Any stories about others discovering that John had abused/neglected/abandoned boys, esp. Dean.

Thanks ya'll
10 September 2014 @ 04:53 pm
Hey everyone, I'm feeling sick and miserable so let's add some seriously emotional death fics to that. Because we can.

I'm looking for stories where Dean dies alone. It can be on a hunt, an overdose, a car wreck. During Stanford Era when John had sent Dean off on his own to hunt, or any time when Dean and Sam had separated later. Sam, John, Castiel, or Bobby can find out later or find his body, but I want Dean dying alone. Any pairing or gen is fine.

Bonus points:

• Dean makes some last dying calls like in Sharlot's Jai Guru Deva Om [http://archiveofourown.org/works/955608/chapters/1869996] and nobody picks up the phone or they hold on and hear his last words.

• John goes to Sam at Stanford for help finding a missing Dean.

• Dean's body is Incorruptible, like Catholic Saints. So when Sam/John/Bobby/Castiel finds Dean's corpse it is pristine and untouched by age, decomp, or animals.

• Aftermath of finding out, sadness, angst, and guilt.

Hey Guys!

I've been on the look for this story that had Dean in this biker gang (or maybe some other type of gang?). Anyways, he meets Castiel who is a libarian (I am not entirely sure about that detail though). I think that they end up hooking up, maybe at a bar or something and get into a relationship.

Something Castiel gets kidnapped by one of Dean's gang rivals, Alistair I think, and when they finally rescue him he isn't the same. Soon, it turns out that the abuse the Alistair put Castiel through change him and his way of coping through it was violence.

I wasn't like normal domestic violence because in this case it was mutual. Castiel copes with his abuse by being more rough and aggressive with in all facets of there relationship, especially sexually. Castiel would urge Dean to be as rough as possible with him during sex leaving bruises and hand prints over his body, slamming each other against the walls and even hitting each other sometimes. Dean was initially against being that rough with Castiel, but he was slowly losing him so he went along with it.

Dean's friends start to notice this change in there relationship when they start seeing Castiel with bruises and hand prints over his neck, initially believing that Dean is abusing him. Several times during the story they make comments to both Dean and Castiel about how they are abusing each other.

Other than that, I do believe that Dean ended up getting locked up because he got framed for murdering someone he didn't actually murder.

There is also a small possibility that this story could have been J2
I recall reading this on Archive of Our Own (It might be on LJ as well) and this story also had a verse and was complete or at least this part of the verse was.
And also, I am 100% that this was completely top!dean with no switching present, or at least written.

Thanks in advance!
(Couldn't find the Abuse tag)
05 August 2014 @ 07:52 pm
Please! Rec me any fics where dean is bloody, battered, almost half to death(if any). I just want some really terrible, horibble hurt!dean. Basically i want dean being tortured
19 July 2014 @ 07:33 am
I have a long international flight ahead of me in a few days and was hoping to stock pile some stories to read.  There are two I have been looking for but can't find.

1.  A Weechester story where the boys had a fort in the woods they liked to play in.  They were fairly young, Dean still played like a child but I think he was eleven or twelve.  John abuses Dean only but not Sam.  At the end of the story, I think John makes Dean destroy the fort but maybe he just makes them leave it.

2.  Sam has a Special kid dream about his past and sees a bunch of things Dean has done for him.  He sees Dean taking care of him and making him a sandwich with the last of the bread and I think rice.  CPS shows up and Dean makes Sam think they are playing hide and seek.  Dean breaks up with his girlfriend so he can stay home and watch Sam because John doesn't want him to be alone, and he takes a punishment of extra PT so Sam can play soccer.

3.  Finally any generic Weechester or preseries stories that focus on John and Dean.  I'm looking for a depiction of their relationship as complex not with John as a complete super villain or a sweetly loving father.  One thing I really liked about their relationship in the early and mid part of the show was that John was an ass and was rotten to Dean but Dean still loved him because he knew there was good and he was afraid of life without him.  The stories can be about Dean waiting for John to come home and taking care of Sam or John can be present but basically anything that realistically tackles how they feel about each other.

No slash or Brotherhood AU, please.

Thank you for your help. 
14 July 2014 @ 06:08 pm
I'm looking for two fics:

1) It's a specific fic, and i'm afraid I don't have much to go on. It's a car accident fic, Jensen/Jared, where Jared is driving and Jared is in the passenger seat. They're hit by a drunk driver and Jared has to go into the hospital while Jensen is okay because Jared protected him. I remember one line because it was so sweet: "The officers voice is soft and gentle. 'You don't know? When we got to the scene of the accident and we had to pull you guys out of the car, your friend's body was hunched over yours. Kinda like he was protecting you.'"

2) The second one is a general category. I read the Broken Verse while going through the abused!Dean tag and i was wondering if you guys had any favorite fics similar to this that you could rec to me. Basically fics where Dean is abducted and forced into sexual slavery. Sam has to rescue a disoriented Dean who believes Sam is now his master and must please him sexually, and Sam teaches him how to be "normal" again. What i really want is protective!Sam, where he is forced into the role of big brother instead of little brother.